Advice for parents: Here’s how to talk to kids about school shootings

School shootings can leave a lot of children asking questions — and parents need to listen, medical experts say.

Let their questions be your guide to how much information to give them, the National Association of School Psychologists advises. Keep in mind that children could hear parents’ conversations about the shooting, so adults should limit angry comments that could easily be misunderstood,

Some children won’t share their feelings readily, so watch for clues that they want to talk about what’s happened. If they’re hanging out close by while you do the dishes or other chores, for instance, that could be your chance to start the conversation.

Let them know that anything they’re feeling after such a scary incident is OK.

Keep an eye out for clues that it might be affecting them more than they’re letting on. Some children hide their feelings well.

If they suddenly have changes in behavior, appetite or sleep patterns, they could be anxious, symptoms that medical experts say should subside in time if the kids hear plenty of reassurances.

The violence could trigger a more intense reaction in children who have had a past traumatic experience or suffer from depression or have special needs. A mental health professional can offer guidance in those instances. The Johnson County Mental Health Center Crisis Line is available 24/7: 913-268-0156, or text 741-741.

School psychologists recommend keeping the explanations age-appropriate:

▪ Early elementary school: Keep it brief and simple, with assurances that schools are safe places and that adults are around to protect them. Be specific about how the schools keep them safe. For instance, talk about how the exterior doors are locked and that children are monitored when they’re on the playground. Emphasize how the school staff works with parents, the police, fire department and a lot of other people to keep students safe.

▪ Upper elementary and early middle school: These children will be more vocal in their questions about how safe their schools really are and what’s done to achieve that. Talk about the work schools and community leaders do to keep schools safe.

▪ Upper middle school and high school: This age group will have strong opinions about violence in schools and society in general. Talk about how students play a role in keeping schools safe, for instance not letting strangers into the building and reporting threats they hear from students and community members. Emphasize the importance of being observant and letting an adult know if they see anything that makes them nervous.

Now would be a good time to review your family’s safety procedures and safeguards at school and home, school psychologists say. There should be at least one adult at school and in the community your children can go to if they feel threatened or in danger.

For now, keep your routine normal. Schoolwork stays the same. Extracurricular activities remain the same, unless the school says otherwise. Doing things you enjoy and being around family and friends can keep the worry away.

Parents can also use this as a way to talk about mental health with their children, explaining that sometimes people can’t handle their anger, or do things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Or, they might be suffering from mental illness.

School counselors recommend emphasizing that violence is never a solution to personal problems.

Students can be part of the solution by participating in anti-violence programs at school, learning conflict mediation skills and by seeking help from an adult if they, or a friend, are struggling with anger, depression or other emotions they can’t control, the school psychologists said.

This story was originally published March 4, 2022 at 12:37 PM.

Lisa Gutierrez

The Kansas City Star

816-562-6832

Lisa Gutierrez has been a reporter for The Kansas City Star since 2000. She learned journalism at the University of Kansas, her alma mater. She writes about pop culture, local celebrities, trends and life in the metro through its people. Oh, and dogs. You can reach her at lgutierrez@kcstar.com or follow her on Twitter - @LisaGinKC.