Meet Tarzan: This KC lawman is a former model who fights for animal rights

On a recent Wednesday morning, Tristen Woods stood in a Kansas City TV studio in a crisp blue suit, cradling a squirmy white-cheeked gibbon against his chest.

The tiny ape in a leopard-print loincloth clutched at Woods’s shoulder-length blonde hair as the attorney who calls himself Tarzan the Lawman delivered his lines in stilted Spanish.

“Tiene una multa de tráfico o un DUI?” he said. “Llámame.”

Translation: “Traffic ticket or DUI? Call me.”

Since moving from Miami to his hometown of Kansas City in December, Woods has become somewhat of a local celebrity. He can’t go to dinner without someone asking if he’s that Tarzan guy from the billboards and commercials.

“That kinda makes me feel good,” Woods says. “Hopefully they think of me when there becomes a problem.”

His firm, Jungle Law Group (incidentally, www.tarzanthelawman.com), specializes in criminal defense, auto accidents, DUIs and animal rights — hence the name. The Jane to Woods’s Tarzan is his fiancée and law partner Lauren Sierra Kruskall, a former NFL cheerleader with bronze skin, smoldering eyes and Kardashian-like raven locks.

The photogenic couple sports black business suits on one billboard. On another, they swing from vines in a loincloth (him) and a leopard-print bikini (her).

“Animals used to be regarded as property,” Kruskall says, “but now people are taking their feelings seriously.”

Kruskall says she and Woods are “obsessed” with animals. Look around his office on the 9th floor of Two Pershing Square and you’ll see framed photos from the couple’s travels to sanctuaries all over the world. They rode elephants in Thailand, handled birds of prey at a falconry in Maine and frolicked with retired St. Bernard rescue dogs in Swiss meadows. They’re seriously considering adopting a monkey.

The attorneys say many of their animal rights cases don’t pay much, and some don’t pay at all. But they’re the most rewarding.

One of Jungle Law Group’s clients is suing a veterinarian because her dog went deaf during a procedure. She says she wasn’t informed about the risk of hearing loss beforehand. Another client claims her neighbors killed her dog, and she wants justice.

“Cases like that set us apart,” Woods says.

So do the intentionally cheesy billboards and commercials. The campaign was crafted by Woods’ mother, Donna Woods, who works in advertising. Like her son, Donna Woods has thick golden tresses. So does Tristen’s grandmother, Karen Woods, who works as Jungle Law Group’s office manager.

So you could say Tarzan the Lawman is genetically blessed.

“They say I’ve got amazing hair,” he says with a shrug.

Woods grew his locks long at 17, and people have been calling him Tarzan ever since. After graduating from Rockhurst University, he packed up his Ford Expedition and drove west to Los Angeles to pursue an entertainment career.

His romance-novel looks helped Woods score campaigns for Abercrombie & Fitch and Polo Ralph Lauren. He had a small but recurring role as a bartender named Ryan in the ABC soap opera “Port Charles.”

He met Kruskall 10 years ago while playing tennis in Beverly Hills. At the time, the Boston native was a twentysomething model who worked for Sephora and other cosmetic companies (both Kruskall and Woods declined to reveal their ages, but they are now both in their 30s). They immediately bonded over their love of animals.

Eventually, Woods grew tired of the competitive Hollywood lifestyle. The auditions, the rejections — he was done.

“It’s a really hard town,” Woods says. “I got burned out.”

When an attorney friend suggested he give law school a shot, he decided to go for it. He moved to Miami and got a law degree from St. Thomas University School of Law. After graduating, he went back for his master’s degree in human rights law and convinced Kruskall to join him in law school so they could start a business together.

“Law school was not my favorite,” Sierra Kruskall admits. She made it more interesting by also cheerleading for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for the 2015-2016 season.

The couple got engaged in 2015, and after Kruskall graduated last year, they moved to Kansas City to carve out a niche in animal rights with Jungle Law Group. Their “swinging into Kansas City soon” billboard was up before they arrived.

The billboard, located downtown along I-35, attracted the attention of Yvonne and Howard Burbach, who live in a rural area north of Pleasant Hill.

“It’s quite attractive, isn’t it?” Yvonne says. “He’s nice to look at and she is just beautiful.”

The Burbachs were looking for legal representation after Howard was hit by a car while mowing the ditch next to the road in front of their house. The collision damaged their expensive zero-turn riding mower and left Howard with hip and back problems.

Jungle Law Group helped the Burbachs collect money to help pay for a new mower.

Yvonne says she and Howard were nervous to consult with attorneys — they’d never done it before — but that they trusted Woods and Kruskall because they’re animal lovers.

“I believe anyone who loves nature or animals has a kind heart,” says Yvonne Burbach, who cares for horses, chickens, peacocks, dogs, six birds and several stray cats.

Jungle Law Group’s ads also scored them media attention. Woods and Kruskall appear twice a month on a local morning show to talk about animal rights, and they’ve been invited to participate in The Kansas City Pet Telethon on March 11. Woods says a wrestling group wants him to get in the ring, and he’s into the idea. Even CNN has reached out.

In case anyone’s wondering, the attorneys say they’d definitely be open to a reality show.

Kruskall says their “ridiculously crazy” advertising campaign appears to be working. But it’s not without risks.

“At the beginning people might not have taken us seriously,” she says. “We know we look and act different, but behind the fun and jokes, we’re really serious about our practice.”

The attorneys say they support a bill filed by Missouri Representative Ingrid Burnett, a Kansas City Democrat, that would increase the penalty for animal abuse from a misdemeanor to a felony. Burnett said the bill has yet to be assigned to a committee.

“I think it’s an important issue,” she says. “Animals don’t have a voice.”

As for Tarzan the Lawman? He sees his persona as a way to help animals while swinging out against the stereotype that lawyers are boring people.

Working in a courtroom “is nothing like the movies,” Woods says, “but we’re trying to make it exciting.”

Maybe too exciting. During the recent commercial shoot at Univision’s studios on the Westside, the couple co-starred with a black cobra, a curious toucan that pecked at Kruskall’s microphone and an alligator with razor-sharp jaws.

Woods held the alligator as exotic animal handler Dana Savorelli peeled off the black tape binding the jaws shut.

“I don’t like this,” Woods said nervously. “Maybe leave that on.”

The engaged attorneys haven’t started wedding planning — right now, they’re more interested in their next TV spot.

Tarzan the Lawman has plenty of wild ideas: “You might see me swinging into the courtroom.”

This story was originally published February 22, 2018 at 9:51 AM with the headline "Meet Tarzan: This KC lawman is a former model who fights for animal rights."