Dustin Colquitt — remember the punter? — is basically now the Chiefs’ star holder
Dustin Colquitt once helped me break down the punting form of Marcus Peters, but even so the approach this week came with a warning: This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever asked you.
I wondered, with the NFL’s trade deadline looming next week and the Chiefs’ offense leaving Colquitt as a guy who mostly just practices punting, if he’d jokingly demand a trade to go somewhere he’d get more playing time.
And he laughed!
So for two seconds I thought I had the fakest scoop possible, the thoughtful Colquitt playing along, but he stopped just short of fake-demanding a trade.
“That’s funny, though, and I hear it all the time now,” he said. “The guys, they’re like, ‘Hey, would you leave if you’re not working?’ Just in passing, ‘Hey, are you happy?’”
Colquitt is the longest-tenured player in the locker room and has been with the Chiefs longer than virtually everyone in the football operations department, outside the equipment staff. He’s the only player who was around when chairman Clark Hunt officially took over.
But, in terms of actual game action, he’s never been a smaller part of the team. He’s punted just 16 times in seven games — and just once in the last two.
We can — and have! — talked plenty about Patrick Mahomes’ promise, Andy Reid’s creativity, Kareem Hunt’s toughness, Tyreek Hill’s speed, Travis Kelce’s dynamism, and the offensive line’s consistency even through injuries.
But, as much as anything, the best description of the league’s highest scoring offense might be that Colquitt is now an overqualified holder.
This is the type of thing you’d only do if you’re a sports writer committed to your angle, but Colquitt’s punts have totaled 160 seconds of game time. That’s less than 3 of the 420 minutes of this season. Even if you add in the free kick at Pittsburgh, another punt that was officially scrubbed because of a penalty, and holding for Harrison Butker’s 13 field goal attempts, Colquitt has been on the field for a total of 3 minutes, 29 seconds of game time.
Plus 32 extra points, of course.
“Dustin is the top holder in the league, honestly,” Butker offered.
He did handle the only imperfect snap yet from James Winchester on a field goal in New England, but that’s a bigger part of his job than ever, because officially, Colquitt isn’t even listed among the league’s punters. Seriously. Healthy all year, taking every punt snap, and he’s not on the official list. You need at least three per game to quality. Colquitt is averaging 2.3. He’d need eight punts on Sunday to show up on the list.
“First time I’ve ever dropped off the stat sheet,” he said.
His brother, Britton, is with the Browns and leads the league with 54 punts — that’s 7.7 per game. Dustin has fewer than that in his last four games combined.
It brings to mind the line from the cult classic Office Space: what would you say ... you do here?
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“I’m like Salvy Perez now,” Colquitt joked. “I’m down there getting so many holds all the time.”
If we can pause the gag for a few paragraphs here, Colquitt is among the most respected men in the locker room, and his money — he signed a three year, $7.5 million extension in March — is well-earned when he plays, too.
If he had enough action to qualify, his 48.6-yard average would rank second and his 45.5-yard net average would rank first.
The Chiefs have the best special teams in the NFL, and Colquitt is a critical part of that. The punt team helped closed out wins over the Chargers and 49ers and have a fumble recovery. The coverage has been consistent, and Colquitt’s ability with both distance and direction is among the unit’s greatest strengths.
“Look, there was a game in Chicago where I had 13 punt reps and we win because of a Hail Mary in the first half and don’t score again,” Colquitt said. “So, yes, I don’t mind not punting.”
That’s a real thing that happened, by the way. As the kids might say, the real ones remember. It was December 2011, before the Scott Pioli years had totally bottomed out but after it was obvious the whole thing was a waste of everyone’s time.
The Chiefs won 10-3 that day with Tyler Palko starting at quarterback, Dexter McCluster leading them in rushing, and Steve Breaston leading them in receptions. The next week, they fired Todd Haley and here’s something:
The Chiefs have already scored more points this season than they did all of 2011 that season — or the next year.
Seven games in, the Chiefs have more points than 60 teams have had in full seasons since 2000. Heck, the Jaguars once went four straight seasons without scoring as many points as the Chiefs have already.
There is an irony here, because even as Colquitt is on pace for (by far) the fewest punts of his career he’s swinging his leg more often. He’s warming up more often on the sideline, and fewer punts on gameday mean more work during the week (particularly on Wednesdays) on pooch punts and other situations he’s not able to stay sharp on during games between extra points.
“I’m like, ‘Man, I’m more sore than I normally am and I’m getting less work,’” Colquitt said. “I mean, I’m not athlete-sore. More, like, technical.”
This is a season like none before for Colquitt, is the point, and he hears about it constantly. Jokes from teammates, like we mentioned before, but also from fans as he comes out of the tunnel telling him they hope they don’t see him.
The other day, at practice, he thought it was coming again.
“Hey man,” tight end Demetrius Harris said. “Do you like this?”
Colquitt thought Harris wanted to talk about the lack of action, about how one of the best in the game has been the holder on extra points twice as much as what he’s paid to do. It’s a natural thing to ask, either genuinely or jokingly — are you really happy like this?
And Colquitt was preparing his response, but then Harris brought it around to an unexpected point.
“Fourteen years in the same spot and now you’re going for that ring?” Harris said.
Colquitt’s perspective flipped. This was not a joke, or another question about the lack of work. This was about the goal ahead, and respect for a man who had been around so long and still performing so well. Harris wasn’t thinking of himself getting a ring, but rather the seldom used punter.
Colquitt smiled in the moment and smiled again telling the story a few days later.
“This is such a good place,” he said. “How could you not be happy?”
Sam Mellinger
Sam Mellinger is a Kansas City Star sports columnist.
