Super Bowl defense of Kansas City, jab at San Francisco draws fun reader responses
I don’t get to write much, not as much as I’d like, anyway. But this Super Bowl run is presenting the ol’ sports editor with opportunities to scratch his ink-stained itch.
Such was the case Thursday afternoon, when longtime friend and colleague Al Saracevic, sports editor of The San Francisco Chronicle, emailed me a copy of a column written by one of his talented sports columnists, Scott Ostler.
In it, as the 49ers get ready to play the Chiefs in Super Bowl LIV in Miami Feb. 2, Scott half-lauded, half-poked fun at Kansas City as a cowtown. He tipped his cap to our BBQ but posited that his KC Star equivalents, Sam Mellinger and Vahe Gregorian, must’ve been too busy rustling cattle to write a counterpoint to his ode/uppercut to the City of Fountains.
One witty Twitter retort quickly suggested Scott’s piece must’ve actually been written by Joe Buck.
Now, I’ve never met Scott. Read his stuff for years, seems like a great guy, just never met him. So it was with a little bit of trepidation that I fell on the BBQ poker and wrote a retort defending KC and pointing out what’s wrong with San Francisco. I wasn’t out to attack Scott, by any means. This is just what happens when sports journalists have too much time on their hands.
More disclosure: I can’t think of many cities in the country I like more than that one. Part of my childhood was spent in nearby Novato. One of my younger brothers was born in San Rafael. My dad, when he was in the Army, worked for a time at the Presidio. I love Chinatown. The hills. Stinson Beach. Even the fog.
So it wasn’t easy to roast San Francisco, but I did it. And we posted it. And so did the Chronicle — Al, my editor friend, emailed me later last night to let me know that he was even running my column on the cover of the paper’s excellent sports section, Sporting Green ... along with my email address. So this silly little retort I’d written, poking the Golden Bear in the eye, was escalating to a full-on public pantsing he was sharing with his readers? Being a mostly rational human, I went to sleep sure I’d crossed a line that Al’s readers would gladly be defending come sunrise.
I wasn’t surprised to awaken to a packed in-box, dozens of emails in response to the column. It was only as I began reading what the respondents were saying, one after the next, that I was taken aback: these people, most of them Northern Californians who root for the Niners, weren’t angry — they were amused. Entertained, even. More than a few were actually ... in agreement?
That’s right. I’d just dumped on San Francisco (called the place “Frisco,” for goshsakes) and was being ... thanked. To date this evening, a day after the column was posted and many hours after most takers of The Chronicle had read it in their printed editions, I’ve received nearly 50 replies. Two people have referred to me as something that’s unprintable in a family newspaper. One termed what I’d written “weird.” The rest? Attaboys.
Just because I find this so strange (Midwesterners are supposed to be the nice ones!), I’m going to share some of those replies with you now. I’ve changed names to initials, or first names only, in order to protect the senders’ anonymity (I’ve not asked them permission to publish their names, which we’d usually do with traditional letters to the editor).
There are some KC memories mixed in, and overall it’s just a good general reminder that even when fandom and wins are on the line, there really are good people all over.
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Hi Mr. Rosen -
Just want to give you a shout out for your hilarious come-back in today’s SF Chronicle to Scott Ostler’s ribbing of Kansas City. Just as I was beginning to despair about all the bad news I was reading, your response made me laugh out loud - in fact, I read it twice.
Just so you know, I’m a 2nd generation San Franciscan who loves her City - born, schooled, married and retired (and will most likely die) here. But I’m not blinded by such loyalty that I can’t enjoy someone’s good-natured poking fun at our expense. I think my favorite line was “Even inanimate objects want out of San Fran....”. That was just brilliant!
So, here’s a nod to you for your writing, I so enjoyed it. Just as I will enjoy the 9ers’ victory over Kansas City on February 2nd.
GO NINERS!
Sincerely,
R.C.
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As a long time 49er fan and a season ticket holder, I must admit that I enjoyed your rebuttal to Scott Ostler’s column. Very entertaining with a few sharp cuts from a KC steak knife. I work for a company with national presence and it does bother me when my colleagues say San Fran but you hit the nail on the head that we really dislike Frisco. Your SF knowledge is impressive.
I graduated from Santa Clara University and I was relieved that you did not impugn that fine city. Because of the location of Levi’s Stadium, there has been a naming trend to simple say “The 49ers”.
Go Niners!
Ron
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Dear Jeff.... My wife and I have lived in SF for 45 years and after reading your column on 1/24/20 in the SF Chronicle , we were moved by your sweet and quite daring attempt at pointing out our inadequate Sports history, which includes 5 Super Bowl victories , 3 World Series victories and and 3 NBA championships.... a few losses ( not many ) and pointing out our embarrassment of riches in other areas.
We would love to let you win this Super Bowl , but that ain’t the way it works , Jack. The Chiefs are an exciting and exceptional football team , the 49ers are even more exceptional and we are looking forward to a GREAT GAME !!!! Sorry but final score 49ers 37-Chiefs 30.We can’t wait until Feb. 2,2020. Hopefully Mr. Trump won’t embark on starting the Apocalypse until later that week. That’s how good this game is gonna be !!!! Stay well Jeff , and watch out for the heartburn from pigging out on too much BBQ. Say “hi” to Andy from 2 ex- patriot Philadelphians.
G.G. and J.B-G
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Good evening Jeff, and thank you for writing such a clever piece! I honestly believe that’s THE best sports article I’ve read! Simply awesome!
Have a great weekend and Go Chiefs!
J.B., McLouth, KS
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GREAT rebuttal column! SF thinks it is so special. Giants play in SF. 49ers play in place that might as well be Salina.
Let’s go Chiefs !!!!!
D.K., Sacramento
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I liked your love letter.
The only thing I take issue with is the final score - 49ers 34, Chiefs 28
Anon.
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I loved your response... Very funny! Great tone! The Stockton dig made me laugh out loud.
Let’s hope that the Super Bowl is as exciting as Game 7 of the 2014 World Series -- and with San Francisco the victor once again.
Take good care,
S.M., Oakland
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As a transplanted Nor Cal resident from LA I have to say that was the best article I’ve read in years. You nailed it spot on. People in Frisco are nuts!!! Still laughing. Good work!!
P.M.
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Hey I’m a native San Franciscan and a retired SF police officer.
Great job loved your article. My son is a senior at KU and we love Kansas.
You made our day.
J.M.
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I’m a long time daily reader of the SF Chronicle, really enjoyed your column today!
It was great to see Montana play in KC, so I’m happy either way this game turns. But your estimate is off, it’s going to be a 2 point win for someone.
Best regards, C.C.
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Have lots of relatives in KC. Was going to send them Scott’s article but thought it was a bit weak. Love your response!
But your wrong about the score!
Go Niners!!
D.R.
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I am a lifelong bay area resident and lifelong season ticket holder and avid fan of the Niners. But love the article. Hilarious. Keep it going with both of your competing articles.
We went to Kansas City last year to see the Niner game there - loved it! Had a great time.
Thank you
T.A.
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Great comeback- laughed my ass off. I figured when Scott wrote that column he was going to get toasted. Fun stuff,chuckled about the” Punched it out in Stockton “ quote.
Game to close to call for me, go for the over.
J.
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Thanks so much for your hilarious column in the San Francisco Chronicle today. I’m a long-time San Francisco resident. We tend to be self congratulatory, rather than poke deserved fun at ourselves. If Kansas City wins, I hope you submit a follow up column. E.O.
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Jeff:
As a friend of Mr. Ostler’s and a long time Bay Area sports executive your rejoinder on our effeteness is Super Bowl worthy, well played. One cultural correction. A true Northern Californian would rather OD on sushi than move to LaLa Land.
Won’t the red of both teams clash with the teal seats at Hard Rock?
A.D.
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Gentlemen,
Loved your articles. I thought Scott was very funny, and the pointed, superior nature of the barbs inflamed justifiable return-fire from Jeff, who probably drew more blood, fair or no.
As a native San Franciscan who is 26 years into marriage with a beautiful, talented and wonderfully sarcastic Kansas State girl met in Kansas City, I actually spent more season ticket holder years in Arrowhead than San Fran(cisco.) I LOVED living in Kansas City. I made up a saying you both might like:
Do you know what your neighbors want to give you in the Midwest? Anything you need. Do you know what your neighbors want to give you in California? Advice.
And while that may be true, progressive or no, California deals with the complex issues of our age much more humanely. Kansas City is a wonderful place to live for a successful white man. It can be tougher on others. As for meI love them both. I love the Giants far more deeply than the NFL, but I’ll lean only slightly Niners and be blessed to be so pleased for the victors Sunday, whichever they may be. 50 years or 25, there are lots of lives who care and have not seen their team win. I won some chicken scratch on BOTH those victories, by the way, even though I’m not a betting man.
At 64 going on 22, I appreciate Scott’s creative approach to almost everything, and while no longer reading the Star daily due to me location, deeply respect the greatness of Kansas City - - the 2nd best town I ever lived in. I am a State Line Gates man, Lake Lotawana and Leawood lover and deeply thankful for my friends there. And I have California pride, a surety that mankind needs be more inclusive and am deeply thankful for the weather just 15 miles or more north, south and east of our lovely, if burdened by human supply, San Francisco.
Thank you both for the entertainment, and best wishes. Go Niners! (Go Chiefs!)
F.G., Sonoma, CA
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Jeff buddy oh friend oh pal !!!! I went to Boone, center jr and senior high graduated in 1990 from Douglas high in San an Antonio in 1990. ... Trump isn’t getting impeached and garopollo will be sacked 3 three times one for the father one for the son and one for the holy ghost!!! They haven’t met a strong defense yet and mahomes will chew through theirs. Andy Reid ain’t no chump. Jesus loves Kansas City!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S.L.
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Dear Mr. Rosen:
We LOVED your comeback to Scott Ostlers’s not-so-friendly roasting of Kansas City.
We met, married and had children in Kansas City, a city we will always cherish, during the formative years of the Chiefs, including Super Bowl IV in 1970, when you could shoot a cannonball down Main St. and not touch a soul. Try that on Market St. in “Frisco.” Fate intervened and we have lived in the Bay Area since 1974. During this span we have become devoted fans of the 49’ers as well. Be assured our hatred of the Oakland Raiders has always endured as we bid good riddance in their move to Las Vegas.
So how do we reconcile all of this in the upcoming Super Bowl, a match made in football heaven as far as we’re concerned? Easy. We can’t lose because we’ll have a winner!
Regards,
B & K, Alamo, CA
This story was originally published January 24, 2020 at 6:04 PM.