A daughter, a foster care child, an inmate: Crystal Smith’s letter to her mom
Crystal Smith had just gotten news from her sister. Their mom had a new job.
Crazy thing is, Mom’s new job was working with kids in foster care. Sitting in prison, a former foster kid herself, Crystal found herself oddly happy. That would have seemed inconceivable a dozen years ago when she was taken from her mom at age 12.
“I remember just sitting in the back seat, just staring out the window and watching as Mom got further and further away from me,” Smith told The Star in a prison interview. “I knew I was going into foster care. Man, even just thinking about it, there’s just like a pit in your stomach. There’s no words to express the feeling of when you’re looking out the back window at your mom and you know that you’re leaving her.”
Smith, now 26, would stay in about two dozen out-of-home placements over the next six years, eventually aging out of foster care just before her 18th birthday. She describes a traumatic childhood that included several moves between Kansas and Washington state.
“And my mom, I was kind of just too much for her at the time,” she said. “I was really rebellious. I didn’t make it easy, that’s for sure.”
Now on good terms, she wonders how her life would have turned out if she had been allowed to stay with her mom.
“My whole life, that’s all I ever longed for,” she said. “That’s all I ever wanted was for my family, to belong, to be a part of them. It was always my mom and my sister, and I was way out here. And now, we’re all three on the same page. And it is the most remarkable feeling in the world.”
Smith had a lot of advice for her mom, and she put it in writing. This is her letter:
Momma,
Aye Beautiful!
So, just wanted to let you know how very, very proud of you I am! I also wanted you to know that I’m really stoked about your new job as a social worker! When I got the email, I just sat there staring at the screen and let a tear roll down my face and took a second to thank the Good Lord. Because momma, I couldn’t think of a better job for you! He knew exactly what he was doing! I love you so much!
So with that, just want to offer you some words of advice and/or wisdom! One, I know there are rules you’ve got to follow, but when you go into a home, ask the parent what they think, feel, what’s going on. Offer help, ask what they feel is best, as well as the child! As you and I both know, 9 out of 10 times, they come in pull the kids out and ask no questions and 9 out of 10 times that’s the worst thing to do. For the parents and children.
Also, love each of those children like they were your own! You’re more likely to get a more positive outcome if you do because you’re more aware and concerned about them and what’s the best for them! It’s not just ‘another messed up kid.’ It’s a child who deserves love, encouragement, discipline, happiness, joy, help, a child that matters! That’s what a lot of these ‘lost’ children need. Someone to trust, keep them safe, to love them. And Momma, I know you’ll do just that. And another thing, which I know you’re aware of. But a lot of the cases you’ll get are going to be heartbreaking. Don’t allow it to weigh you down too much. Do what you can and give it to God!
Lastly, I just want to say you’re not just my hero but my inspiration to become the best woman I can be. And I thank you for everything! I know you are about to do some amazing things to help children in foster care as well as parents and I’m so glad and proud I get to be here to support you.
I love you, your sweet pea
Sorry, I forgot some things.
▪ If you can, once or twice a month, take your kid out to do something with them. Show them you truly care. That was a huge thing for me. I just didn’t feel like they truly cared! Be involved, not just in placing them, but active in their day-to-day life ya know! Create a bond with them!
▪ Ask them how the placement or home environment is. What they like, don’t like. What could be better?
▪ And if possible, every chance there is, reintegration with the family, rebuilding what was once broke. Family is everything!
▪ Encourage them to play sports, band, cheerleading. It keeps them active and allows them to be a part of something.
▪ And church I feel is very important. Always ask if they would like to be a part of a church family!
▪ Lastly, these kids and parents need counseling. I feel that would’ve been very good for myself and you guys. A chance to work through all the ‘stuff’ and create something new. Build on trust, love, support, understandment!
This story was originally published December 15, 2019 at 5:00 AM.
