‘It made me love more’–KC woman says seeing her mother’s demise due to COVID changed her
April Shaver finds herself thinking she needs to reach out to her mother for advice on all sorts of things. Which side of the house should she plant flowers? What’s the best recipe for tater tot casserole? How should she handle a situation with her son?
Reality sets in though when Shaver realizes her most trusted advisor is no longer around to help guide her through life.
COVID-19 stole her mother, Gwen Starkey from her and her family early in 2021.
Shaver, 40, of Kansas City, was left to grapple with the devastating loss after her 61-year-old mother spent 322 days on a ventilator battling the effects of the virus before succumbing to kidney failure.
The virus ravaged her body and took her life, but it didn’t take the love she left behind.
Starkey had just retired after working 26 years at Ford’s Claycomo plant when COVID-19 changed everything. A family gathering, just days before the Super Bowl in 2021, turned into the beginning of a nightmare. Several relatives caught COVID-19, but Starkey, then 59, got the worst of it.
When Starkey went to the hospital struggling to breathe, no one imagined she wouldn’t come home for nearly a year.
Shaver said her mother had envisioned a retirement filled with family, spending time with her grandsons, gardening, traveling. “Our plan was to go geode hunting together,” Shaver said, recounting a planned trip to find the crystal-filled rocks in Keokuk, Iowa.
“She also loved antiquing, going to auctions. She loved dragging my dad everywhere to go haul her auction collections.”
Visits to the hospital were limited, so April and her son would leave chalk messages, blow bubbles, and set off fireworks outside her window. Her father, Troy Starkey of Polo, Missouri, was always inside by his wife’s side.
Starkey returned home in February of 2022. “She got to come back home, which was amazing because they told us every step of the way that she was not going to make it,” Shaver said. “And we just didn’t believe it.”
Starkey spent almost a year, bedridden at home with her family, on oxygen. “My mother was my son’s best friend, I really wanted him to grow up with his grandma because she just loved him so much and no one was expecting him,” she said. “It [COVID-19] took away our matriarchy.”
Shaver remembers the early days of the pandemic and being diligent about following the recommended precautions to prevent being infected by the virus.
“It’s really strange how you look back at how different that year 2020 was, before everyone was sick, how we had a station set up in the garage where we’d spray all of our groceries down,” Shaver said. “We were wearing masks and gloves and no one left the house.”
Now, five years after the declaration of a worldwide COVID-19 pandemic and three years past seeing how torturous a death the virus can bring, Shaver says the experience gave her a new perspective on life.
“It made me a better person. It made me love more, care more, and be more empathetic.” The isolation and uncertainty of the pandemic taught her to appreciate every moment, a lesson she now carries with her. “I try to enjoy life more now, to take time for the things I used to rush through.”
The loss of her mother had a profound impact on Shaver, leading her to become a better person and engage in activities she wouldn’t have considered before.
“I’m 40 years old and I just bought a dirt bike. I’ve never ridden a dirt bike before,” she said. “We bought a boat and my dad bought a river house. And we’re traveling together, and we went on that geode hunt that we were supposed to do with my mother,” she said. “Now we do it together as a family. “
The love Shaver’s mother had for flowers not only inspired her to get a tattoo but also sparked an unexpected passion for gardening.
Two weeks before her mother’s death, Shaver got a tattoo. A butterfly and colorful gladiolas and dahlias, flowers her mother grew and loved, adorn her arm. “I just wanted to make sure that she got to see my tribute to her,” said Shaver. “And every time I look at it, it makes me happy. Reminds me of her. “
Shaver had never been a gardener, but when her mother fell ill, she began planting flowers. “I started enjoying these things outside. And, my flowers grew up,” she added. “I could not believe how beautiful they were.”
Shaver said she created a large bouquet of the cut flowers, delivered them to her mother. “She just loved them so much.”
This spring, Shaver will sow zinnia seeds saved from her mother’s garden, honoring her memory by nurturing the vibrant blooms that Gwen Starkey once cherished, and carrying forward the love and lessons she left behind.
This story was originally published March 22, 2025 at 6:00 AM.
