How to talk to your loved ones about fentanyl: Tips from a KC area school social worker

With opioid overdose deaths claiming the lives of Kansas Citians across the metro, drugs and drug use can be a fraught topic for many families to talk about. But local experts say having a productive conversation about the dangers of fentanyl could make the difference in your loved ones’ lives.

Kim Downs, a school social worker and play therapist in the Northland, shared some tips with The Star on how to start and maintain these conversations. She works to educate parents about drug use and prevention as part of Parent Up KC, a resource group for Northland parents coordinated by Beacon Mental Health.

Here are a few tips for talking about fentanyl and other opioids with the young people in your life.

Learn what your loved one is seeing and hearing about drugs

The first step toward having a conversation about fentanyl and other opioids is to find out what your loved one is encountering in their daily life, Downs said.

For young people, this might include a friend whose parent is struggling with addiction, a classmate offering to sell “study drugs” or discussions of substance use on social media.

“That’s a great way to start it — just, what is someone’s individual experience with the topic,” Downs said. “Knowing what your kid has seen, what they have heard, that can give you a really good baseline for knowing where your conversation needs to go.”

These conversations are also a great time to dispel myths about opioids and arm your loved one with the facts about fentanyl-laced drugs.

Fentanyl sold on the street and on social media is not the same as fentanyl prescribed in a hospital. It’s made illegally in labs and is not regulated, so the potency and amount of fentanyl varies from batch to batch, and even pill to pill. According to local doctors, public health officials and law enforcement, the most common substances (sold without a prescription) that could contain fentanyl around Kansas City are: Adderall, cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, meth, Xanax, Percocet, oxycodone and other pain relievers.

Downs also recommended turning the conversation inward to discuss how best to approach a dangerous situation.

“Part of that conversation should be, ‘What would you do if that happened to you?’” she said. “We are more likely to seek help in appropriate ways when our brains have rehearsed what to do next.”

Create a plan and practice it

Downs warned that this part of the conversation will likely make teens roll their eyes — but it’s well worth the temporary annoyance.

“What do you do if you are in a social setting and you are uncomfortable with what is happening? Or what if someone is offering you something — what are you going to say? Practice that with your young people, literally practice what (they) will say,” she said.

“And they will groan at you. I mean, they will not want to do it. (But) even if you don’t get them to say the words, if you can say the words and at least put them in their brains, they will be more likely to use that strategy in the moment.”

She recommended that teens memorize the phone numbers of two trusted adults so they always have someone to call to get out of an uncomfortable situation — even if their phone is dead. Other tips include bringing your own drink to a party and avoiding drinks you didn’t see being prepared.

If your teen is offered pills or other party drugs, Downs says, a simple “no thanks” will usually do the trick. Another common excuse is to claim you’re already on a medication that can’t be mixed with what they’re offering.

“Talking about risks and consequences are important with young people, but having a plan is even more important,” Downs said. “Having a conversation will help (your) kids to make a different choice in those moments.”

Avoid judgment and stigma

When a loved one comes to you with questions about fentanyl, opioids or other drugs, she said there are a few practices to avoid. Yelling, lecturing, belittling or dismissing their concerns will only make them less likely to seek your advice in the future.

Instead, Downs recommends keeping an open mind and sticking to the facts about the dangers of drug use, rather than drawing on judgment or stigma.

“Being open-minded, especially to the experiences that people have had, is important,” she said. This might mean a real-life encounter with opioids or a story from friends or social media.

Being armed with the facts about fentanyl and other opioids can then help you dispel myths and counteract harmful stigma.

“Our youngest people are having different experiences than the adults that are parenting them did,” Downs said. “It’s a different world, and making assumptions that they are facing the same situation(s) is completely inaccurate.”

Dig deeper and bring in professionals if needed

Most young people who experiment with unprescribed medications or other drugs will only do so once or twice, Downs said. That makes the plans above effective in the rare occasions they are presented with a potentially dangerous substance.

But for others, unprescribed medication use may be rooted in deeper problems, like untreated mental health issues. If you know of a young person who regularly uses drugs to self-medicate persistent mental or physical symptoms, it may be time to bring in professionals.

“If they are using continually, it’s really more of a message that they need more of a mental health approach,” Downs said. “The next part of that plan needs to be the adults taking over and saying, ‘OK, we’re going to go talk to somebody more about this because there’s clearly something more going on.’”

All in all, Downs’ approach comes down to preparation and communication about drug use and how to avoid its worst effects.

“Developing a plan helps kids tremendously,” she said. “They will groan at you. Have the conversation anyway.”

This story was originally published November 2, 2023 at 6:10 AM.

Natalie Wallington

The Kansas City Star

Natalie Wallington was a reporter on The Star’s service journalism team with a focus on policy, labor, sustainability and local utilities from fall 2021 until early 2025. Her coverage of the region’s recycling system won a 2024 Feature Writing award from the Kansas Press Association.