‘Use your turn signal’: Six of the best celebrity commencement speeches of 2016
Celebrity commencement speakers are sending college graduates into the world with many useful words of wit and wisdom this month.
Use your turn signal. Surround yourself with good people. Wake up.
And this: Your importance is not defined by the number of your Twitter followers.
Steven Spielberg, James Franco, Matt Damon, Seth Meyers and Ken Burns are all on deck to deliver graduation addresses over the next few days.
High-profile speakers don’t come cheap, a recent Associated Press report found.
This year, for instance, the University of Houston paid $35,000 to have retired astronaut Scott Kelly as its commencement speaker.
Rutgers University also paid $35,000 for journalist Bill Moyers, who spoke at one division’s ceremony after the main keynote speech from President Barack Obama, who was not paid for his appearance.
The University of Houston paid $166,000 to have Matthew McConaughey speak last spring, including $9,500 for his airfare. The University of Oklahoma paid $110,000 to Katie Couric in 2006. Both donated their speaking fees to charity.
“To the outside world, somebody giving a speech and getting paid $40,000 for one hour seems ridiculous,” Michael Frick, CEO of Speaking.com, a booking agency, told the AP.
“But in our industry, it’s just capitalism and supply and demand.”
Here, for free, are six of the best commencement speeches delivered so far this year.
Comedy duo Jeannie Gaffigan and Jim Gaffigan
Catholic University of America, May 14
“Remember happiness is not found in accomplishments, income or the number of Twitter followers you have,” said Jim. “True happiness is found in family. Living for each other, sacrificing together and enjoy the blessing of fresh guacamole delivered promptly to your door.”
Actor J.K. Simmons
University of Montana, May 14
“Take care of yourself: Eat your vegetables, get some exercise, floss. Use your turn signal. I know that has nothing to do with taking care of yourself, it’s just a pet peeve of mine. I needed to get that off my chest. Be on time. Please have the decency to ... not make people wait for you.
“Take out your telephone and use it to make a telephone call. Call an old person. Call your mom. Call your dad.”
Pulitzer Prize-winning “Hamilton” creator Lin-Manuel Miranda
University of Pennsylvania, May 16
“My dear, terrified graduates: You are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives. The stories you are about to live are the ones you will be telling your children and grandchildren and therapists.
“They are the temp gigs and internships before you find your passion. They are the cities you live in before the opportunity of a lifetime pops up halfway across the world ...
“There will be blind alleys and one-night wonders and soul-crushing jobs and wake-up calls and crises of confidence and moments of transcendence when you are walking down the street and someone will thank you for telling your story because it resonated with their own.
“I feel so honored to be a detail, a minor character in the story of your graduation day.”
Comedian and “The Simpsons” voice actor Hank Azaria
Tufts University, May 22
Using the voice of Chief Wiggum: “Kids, you didn’t hear this from me, but if a cop even thinks that you’re going to throw up in their back seat, they will immediately let you go. No crime is worth having to clean yak out of a seat-belt hole.”
As Comic Book Guy: “Life is like the Star Wars movies. Some of it is great, some of it sucks, but you have no choice but to sit through all of it — very similar to the commencement speech you are listening to now.”
Filmmaker Spike Lee
Johns Hopkins University, May 18
“There are two words that are almost in all of my 23 feature films to date. These two words are: Wake up! Wake up from the sleep, wake up from being comatose, wake up from the slumber that keeps your eyes shut (to) inequalities and injustices in this often ... evil, crazy, insane world we live in. Let’s move our unconscious mind back to the front of a conscious state, and wake up.”
Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson
University of Wisconsin-Madison, May 14
“Of course, I’m also here to share some things I’ve learned. Things like: If you’re dating a woman that’s way out of your league, ask her to marry you. If you can throw a football 80 yards, for some reason people think that’s pretty cool. And if you’re playing New England in the Super Bowl and you’ve got 26 seconds left and you’re down by four and it’s second and goal on their one-yard line, try not to throw an interception. That last one is purely hypothetical, though, of course.
“But no, here’s something I really have learned: You can’t do it alone. You’ve got to surround yourself with good people.”
This story was originally published May 24, 2016 at 3:46 PM with the headline "‘Use your turn signal’: Six of the best celebrity commencement speeches of 2016."