‘I’m just in pain.’ Sporting KC’s Khiry Shelton speaks out on being Black in America
Khiry Shelton pulled into the parking lot at Sporting Kansas City practice, turned off his car and sat stationary in the driver’s seat. Five minutes passed, and then six.
He thought about what he had seen the night before — couldn’t stop thinking about it. That could have been me. Seven minutes passed, and then eight.
He contemplated driving home, skipping his scheduled workout. How can I play soccer right now? Nine minutes and then 10.
“I didn’t wanna go,” he said. “I didn’t want to lash out on anyone because of what I was feeling.”
A night earlier, Shelton scrolled through his Instagram page when he saw the video that has sparked protests throughout America, including Kansas City.
The death of George Floyd.
Shelton, whose father is Black and mother is Caucasian, watched as a white Minneapolis police officer knelt on the neck of Floyd for 8 minutes and 46 seconds, the final moments of his life.
Alone in his condo, sitting on his bed as he watched, Shelton bawled.
“I lost it,” he said. “I broke down and just cried. I was angry, sad, frustrated.
“But mostly, I was in pain. I’m just in pain.”
The emotions have prompted Shelton to speak out. To no longer stay publicly silent about a topic that so often overwhelms the family dinner tables.
Being Black in America.
He felt George Floyd. He’s felt the others like him. Earlier this week, Shelton vented his anger on his Instagram page.
“What do you see when you see me?” he asks.
Shelton has stories, too, albeit with better endings than George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery or so many others. But they’ve left him angry, frustrated. The police offers who pulled him over for nothing. Who verbally abused him.
The people who cross the street when they see him approaching on the same sidewalk. If only they knew his upbeat personality. If only they saw his smile. If only they gave him a chance.
“I’m a loving person. But I fit that profile,” he said. “I’m a tatted Black man. I’m tall. I wear a cap usually.
“I think I’m a ray of sunshine. I want to brighten somebody’s day. But I fit that description that society has given us.”
Shelton’s father served 22 years in the army. Shelton moved all over as a kid. Colorado. Germany. Texas.
When he was young, his father taught him and his brother how to deal with law enforcement. They practiced a routine, no different than practicing a baseball swing in the backyard.
Hands on the steering wheel. Don’t move. Be respectful. Don’t talk. Just listen.
“I feel fear when I get pulled over. I know what I’m up against,” Shelton said. “I know I’m not a violent person. I know I’m not carrying any weapons. But at the same time, I know there’s a possibility I could die right now. This man is in full control. I don’t have anything to defend myself in this situation. These are the things me and my brother and my father have talked about time and time again. It’s very sad to have to experience that from people of power.”
Shelton considered taking a public stance earlier. In 2017, after San Fransisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick had spent the previous fall kneeling for the national anthem to protest racial injustices and police brutality, Shelton wanted to do the same. His father, a veteran, approved. But Shelton was just in his second year in New York City. He feared losing his job. He couldn’t go through with it.
He will this time.
Major League Soccer has voiced its support for players who choose to peacefully protest during the anthem. But when the league resumes its season next month with a tournament in Orlando, they won’t play a national anthem without fans in the stands.
It won’t stop Shelton from finding a way to show his support for the Black Lives Matter movement. Maybe he’ll wear a T-shirt. Maybe he will write an inscription on the tape covering his wrists.
He’ll do something.
“I’m going to let people know that I’m a Black man, and this is what I stand for,” he said. “I’m going to do something to stand up for what’s right.”
This story was originally published June 15, 2020 at 5:30 AM with the headline "‘I’m just in pain.’ Sporting KC’s Khiry Shelton speaks out on being Black in America."