Behind Mizzou forward Jacob Crews' journey to becoming the father he didn't have

A sixth year of college basketball wasn't supposed to be in the cards for Mizzou graduate forward Jacob Crews. His story was scripted to end at the hands of Drake in the first round of the 2025 NCAA Tournament, his final year of college basketball eligibility.

That is, until rules changed. When the impossible became possible.

But Jacob paused. A seemingly easy decision made more complex, the faces of his wife and son flashing through his mind. Would a sixth year of college basketball help his family, or hurt it?

After a long, emotional conversation with his wife, Karmen, she and Jacob decided his story wasn't over. It’s still being written.

How did Jacob go from skating by in Hilliard, Florida, to a husband, father and Division I basketball player?

The ones who turned the tide

There were two moments in Jacob's life when he knew he made it:

The first, when he signed a contract to play college basketball.

The second, when he walked into his family's home in Florida with baby Jacob Jr. — JJ for short — on his hip. Karmen followed behind him, the two of them ready to finally introduce their son to Jacob's family.

"When I had my son and brought him home, I just felt like my life was complete," Jacob said.

Growing up, little came easy for Jacob and his family. Bringing JJ home, for a moment, felt like the regularly scheduled struggles of life stopped. Jacob was able to take a breath.

He felt a new weight settle over his shoulders, pushing into his muscles as it forced him to stand straight. This weight is one Jacob has learned to live with.

The weight of being a father.

The weight that his father, so long ago, dropped.

His grandparents welcomed in the newest member of their family, staring at the man who was just a boy not so long ago.

When Jacob was little, his grandparents took him and his younger brother in. Their mother didn’t stick around to raise the two boys, and their father was in and out of prison for most of their young life.

His grandfather worked in construction — hard, labor-intensive work that brought in $30,000 a year for the family of four. They quickly learned how to live with little resources, sharing clothes and eating whatever was on the table.

Though Jacob lived off little and had a complicated relationship with his parents, he had a home with his grandparents and brother. Then, he found a love in basketball, often staying outside shooting hoops past dark and ignoring his papa's calls for him to come inside.

Jacob thought back to the times when the simplest problem was evading his grandfather's shouts and trying to get one more shot up before he scampered into their home in the small town of Hilliard, Florida, for whatever was on the table for dinner.

But other challenges come with being raised by a grandparent. You face the possibility of losing a guardian earlier in your life, handling the pain of seeing ones you love in a position of vulnerability.

Jacob is reminded of this whenever he talks with his grandparents, hating the way they warn him about not having much time left. He faced it head on once before, when his pop had triple bypass surgery. Jacob feared his role model wouldn't be around long enough to meet his firstborn.

"I thought he was gone," Jacob said, remembering his grandfather in surgery. "His chest was wide open — like, split, scar and everything. I'm just sitting there like, I'm about to lose the biggest piece of my life."

Thankfully, JJ, now 16 months old, entered the world with more than enough time to meet his great-grandparents. Enough time for Jacob to let them know that they succeeded in raising him, to the point where he could now raise another human being. After their 17-hour travel day from Columbia to Hilliard, Jacob and Karmen were able to stride into the house and connect the two people who raised Jacob to their great-grandson. They were able to see that this time around, they raised a man who wanted to be a father.

"I felt like they did their job," Jacob said. "(It) was almost like a handoff to say well done to my grandparents.

"You raised, basically, your son's son. So now, he's able to be in a position to where he's evolved differently."

With his grandfather on one side and his father on the other, Jacob was able to see the kind of man he wanted to be through the actions of both. He knew he wanted to do better than his own father had. He also knew he wanted to be able to provide the same way his grandfather did, no matter how little.

His grandfather was the first of three men to step up and fill the vacant father role in Jacob's life, influencing who he is today as both a person and father.

Taking notes from the man writing plays

Before Jacob Crews was a father, he knew what it felt like to be without steady parents.

His dad was in and out of jail for most of his young life, only resurfacing when he was 16, and still was an inconsistent presence in his life until more recently.

His mother "had too many problems of her own" to be there for him. She didn't have the chance to make that right before she passed from bone cancer when Crews was a freshman in college.

His father's parents stepped in and took over, offering their home, love and limited resources to their grandsons.

"I was somebody, like, I wasn't (their) responsibility," Crews said of his grandparents. "They hate when I say that because they take it as such a big honor to raise me and my brother. But at the end of the day, I wasn't your child to have to raise.

"You stepped in and wholeheartedly wanted me, you fought for me."

Crews was a papa's boy through and through. But he saw what other people had in their lives. Someone they could throw the ball around or shoot hoops with. He wanted that, too.

In eighth grade, he got what he wanted, just not the way he had imagined.

When Crews first met the man who would become another father figure, he was shooting hoops at an open gym. At the time, he didn't know the impact of the man who would saunter up that day.

The man's name was Myron Saunders, the head coach of the boys basketball team at Hilliard High School.

"Just seemed like he cared right away," Crews said. "... He didn't know anything yet. He didn't know my situation at the house. He just genuinely saw a kid who loved basketball, and he saw great things through me."

What Saunders didn't know that day, when Crews was 13, was that Crews was ineligible to play basketball because of his GPA. Academics didn't come as easy as basketball, and it was hard to find someone in the small school who had enough time and resources to help him.

It was only a matter of time before Crews was ineligible to play at the high school level, where it was Saunders' responsibility to decide how to handle one of his star players failing. Instead of rolling over and encouraging Crews to skate by with a 2.0 — the necessary GPA to play basketball — Saunders pushed him.

Saunders told Crews to come back with a 3.0 average, or not to come back at all. Crews had never seen that side of his coach, encouraging him to go beyond what was necessary to play basketball.

"I came back and I had a 3.25," Crews said proudly.

He nearly made honor role for the first time in his life thanks to the man who refused to give up on him.

Crews may not have had his father there to employ tough love to get his grades right, but he had someone who cared enough to take him under their wing and start setting his future on the right track.

"He looked at me and said, ‘Crews, I'm going to tell you something: I care for you more as a person than a ball player,’” Crews said. "‘You need academics just for yourself in general … not just for basketball.'"

Now, their relationship is stretched only in distance as Crews takes every opportunity to catch up with his father figure. Even after a 17-hour car ride back home, he says hi to his grandparents and brother and then he's off to his former coach's house.

"He's locked in for life," Crews said. "Every time he sees me, he jumps for joy, and it's just ... a spark of energy instantly."

Saunders continues to show up, even from over 1,300 miles away. Though there is no shared blood between the two, Saunders stepped into a role outside one of a typical coach. He showed sincerity and care, changing the course of Crews' life in the process.

Saunders taught Crews the importance of showing up for the ones you love. He showed him how to employ tough love when it's necessary, and how to build a family out of something other than blood.

Crews continues to look up to Saunders as his father figure and strives to build a family that is true in both blood and lifestyle. A family that is set on the foundation built through genuine care and showing up, even in the tough moments.

Becoming a man worthy of the woman in the club

The first time Jacob laid eyes on his wife, he knew he had to meet her.

It was way back, when he was at his first college stop playing for the University of North Florida.

This wasn't a typical meet-cute.

Jacob was at a club for the first time in his life, soberly experiencing what is traditionally meant to be a drunk haze of people and music. She was radiant as she entered across the room, wearing a white shirt that glowed like a beacon under the fog of club lights and techno beats.

Jacob knew he had to meet her.

"That's how I started the conversation," Jacob said. "I was like, ‘Excuse me. … I know you're in a club. This is my first time here.' I said, ‘I'm not drunk. ... I'd like to know your name please. My name's Jacob.'”

He was 20, and she was 18 at the time. It could have been an immediate spark, but Jacob held himself back.

He took his commitments seriously, and that included a potential relationship with the woman in the club. "It took us a long time before we were together," Jacob said. "I knew I couldn't show her the same compassion and love she was giving me at the time to be able to support her as a boyfriend. And then, you know, not be a liability at the time. … I didn't feel like that'd be healthy for a relationship, and she wouldn't get to see the true me."

He didn't feel worthy of the potential family they could create together.

It took a year before he finally called her and asked her to be serious with him, around Christmas three years ago.

That was the start to their happily ever after, though in real life the problems don't stop after driving off into the sunset. Jacob and Karmen soon realized this when a hard decision came their way after only a few months together: call it quits or have Karmen follow Jacob to his next college stop, the University of Tennessee at Martin. Their friendship had already survived one transfer, from UNF to Daytona State College. Now, their early relationship would face the test of an out-of-state transfer.

Karmen didn't give up on Jacob or their relationship. She decided to leave the life she'd known living in a luxurious apartment with her sister, near her mother, to take a risk on her future.

"Looking back at it, I think I'm surprised I wasn't scared," Karmen said.

Jacob wasn't as sure. He hesitated, knowing what taking her away from her life would mean. Karmen would have to start experiencing life the way he always had: little financial freedom, little room for error, little room for decision. But once he saw her commitment, it inspired him to raise the bar further.

"Her exact words (when I asked her to marry me) were, ‘Easiest decision of my life,'" Jacob said.

Karmen added, "Yeah, those were my vows."

So they got married. After three months of dating.

"Hearing it back, it sounds so crazy how it all happened," Karmen said.

They spent their first year married at UT Martin, living paycheck to paycheck in a place they could barely afford, far from either of their families.

"There was no extra (at UT Martin)," Jacob said. "It was just, this is how it is, you know. It doesn't matter what's on the table. Like, you eat it because you're hungry."

Karmen added, "And we were happy with that, at the time, too."

Right in the middle of basketball season, their lives took a turn for the better. Jacob had always wanted a family, and now that he and Karmen had committed to life together, he was ready to be a father. But, things aren't always as easy as they seem.

"We tried right when we first got married," Karmen said. "In our heads, we were like, ‘Oh, it's so easy to get pregnant.'"

The couple now realizes how hard it actually is to get pregnant. So, they decided to sit back and let life happen instead of timing things out and monitoring cycles after a few months of a meticulous routine.

A few months later, Karmen took a test. Nothing out of the blue, she'd taken pregnancy tests before. But that day, there was no reason to take one. Nothing but her intuition and gut-feelings.

"She called me into the bathroom, and she was like (showing me the test)," Jacob remembered. "Saw the two lines, and I was like ‘Whoa.’

"I was like, ‘You know, this is a year from the day I called you randomly and told you I'd like to hang out.'"

Neither of them could believe it. Getting married after three months of dating, and now a year after making it official as a couple, they were pregnant with their first child.

The joy of knowing he was about to become a father mixed with the exceptional season he was having at UT Martin on the court, and all the puzzle pieces seemingly clicked into place as the next chapter of his life was readying to unfold.

Family built through bonds, not blood

A standout season changed it all for Jacob at UT Martin, his third college stop and the final one before he transferred to Mizzou. He was averaging 19.1 points per game and was ranked as one of the nation's top shooters. His 2023-24 season garnered national attention from some of the basketball greats.

"I had Kansas — I know, I know, Kansas — but I had Kansas, and I had Gonzaga," Crews said. "I had all these really good schools that were known for basketball and some people's dream schools."

He considered going somewhere closer to home, closer to his grandparents and brother. Closer to Karmen's mother and sister. Closer to their security system that could help raise JJ.

But instead of going closer to home or to one of the "dream schools," Jacob chose a program that had just gone 0-19 under coach Dennis Gates.

Huh?

"Gates did something where he was not interested in me," Crews said, "which is kind of crazy to say because, like, I'm coming to play basketball for you, what are you talking about? He's like, ‘I want to talk to your wife.'"

Gates ignored Jacob, beelining for his wife to hug her first before getting into any business. Though Karmen was shy, standing behind Jacob and letting him do most of the talking, Gates flashed his smile that is reserved for after-game hours. He made Karmen, who was pregnant at the time, feel comfortable in a place far from home.

"You could tell he was being real," Jacob said. "I know that more now than I did then. … You could tell there was a little more genuine to him than the other coaches."

The authenticity of Gates in Jacob and Karmen's initial visit won over Karmen, while Jacob was still entertaining other options. With his phone ringing with new offers left and right, a million different futures were laid out before him. Some opportunities held a bigger ticket than others. A better life for his growing family.

Ultimately, it wasn't his decision.

"I wasn't really planning on committing yet, and the craziest thing is … I was planning on going to KU in my head," Jacob said. "Then she goes, ‘So, uh, when you gonna commit to Mizzou?'"

And that was that. Jacob didn't wait another day, another minute before getting on a Zoom call — ignoring the Kansas staff's request for him not to — and committed to play at Mizzou for what he thought was his fifth and final year.

Karmen's intuition paid off as the couple traveled to Missouri as quickly as they could to start building a foundation on and off the court. The team threw a baby shower for the couple ahead of Karmen's delivery, establishing that they had a family in Missouri before Crews ever checked into a game.

Gates also set up a private viewing of the MU Women's and Children's Hospital ahead of its open date in June 2024 to help the couple transition.

"(The program) made the transition here for me, when I was like seven months pregnant, really easy," Karmen said. "They helped me with my doctors, setting that up, and then (Jacob) was able to go to every appointment."

Even with all the niceties from the coaching staff and team, August 13, 2024 — the day JJ was born — was the day that Gates officially became family.

"The time came for the birth, and it was everything they said it was going to be," Jacob said. "JJ never left our sight."

Karmen had her emotional support team with her, lucky to have her mother, sister and husband around after giving birth to her first baby through way of a cesarean section. It took a toll on her body, with Jacob there at her beck and call for whatever she needed.

After the birth, Gates caught wind of the news that JJ arrived. He FaceTimed Jacob while sitting in traffic on his way back from his usual array of meetings.

"He's like, ‘It happened?!' He was so happy," Jacob said.

With permission from Jacob and Karmen, Gates went straight to the hospital. Upon arriving, Gates strode through the hospital, knocked on the door and pulled Jacob aside.

"He said his words, ‘I'm so proud of you, you know. This is such a big accomplishment. I'm just so glad I'm a part of this,'" Jacob remembered. "He's like, ‘I want you to know why I'm here. … I'm serious.'"

Gates took a second, putting both hands on Jacob's shoulders to put them face-to-face. He softly demanded that Jacob meet his eyes and said something that would change both of their lives.

"He said, ‘I want you to keep this for the rest of your life. … I want you to know I'm here because her mom's here and her sister's here for her — also for you, but mainly for her — because that's their blood.

"‘You didn't have anybody. I wanted to be that person to step in for you to have in your corner.'"

Jacob paused then, lost in recollection of the day he gained two new family members.

Stepping outside the memory, Jacob declared, "Regardless of anything, you know, for the rest of my life, Coach Gates as a human — not as a coach — will be a part of JJ's, Karmen's and my life forever."

Before Jacob was the second-highest scorer for Mizzou, before he was ranked nationally for his 3-point percentage, before he even stepped foot on the court in a Missouri uniform, Gates became family.

The foundation was set off the court but has transferred to Jacob's play, as he continues to have success at MU.

"When you have a healthy environment like that, and these guys allow you to push them, it takes relationship and real love," Gates said at a news conference. "These guys know I love them."

That love is shown in the big and small moments, from allowing Karmen at practice — always hugging her first to this day — to showing up to the hospital the day their son was born.

Building a better life for JJ

All of these seemingly small moments where Jacob chose what would be best for his family versus what would be best for himself stem from his experiences growing up without his mother and father, without those two people you are supposed to be able to depend on no matter what.

But those decisions also stem from one key goal Karmen and Jacob are guided by: Give JJ a better life than they had.

Karmen and Jacob, what seems like a lifetime ago, bonded over their lack of stability from their fathers. Both of their dads were incarcerated for a period of time. Both fathers tried to make things right numerous times with little success. Both had two different sides to them that their children paid the price of.

The lessons and hardships faced in the past continue to influence the present.

"It's not just for yourself," Jacob said. "Sometimes it's easier to give up on yourself, you know, on certain days. But when you have people that are dependent on you … I know how I felt when I depended on my father and he wasn't there. I remember those times."

Even with his past disappointments, Jacob's father has made an effort to be in Jacob's life now that he's become a father himself.

"He's got that second chance," Jacob said of his father's relationship with JJ. "… He wasn't there for me and to see me grow and to see me have all my accolades and everything like that. But I told him, ‘At least you're there for your grandson. Be there for his.'

"... This is my kid. I want everything better for him than it was for me."

While Karmen and Jacob can make every decision in the moment for little JJ, to the best of their abilities, there are still outcomes outside of their control. They chose to stay another year in Missouri. They chose to have Karmen stay home to give JJ a stable foundation when he is so far away from other family members. They chose to let Jacob's dad back into their lives and the life of JJ.

If it were their choice, Karmen would be expecting her second child now. A sibling close in age to JJ who could grow up alongside him, not too far apart. Someone who could help balance JJ's smiley, high-energy demeanor and play with him when they are a little older.

But it's not their choice.

"We did find out she was pregnant, but she ended up having a chemical pregnancy," Jacob said. "It ended up falling through. She ended up not being pregnant because it never attached like it was supposed to."

Karmen has been fighting a mental and physical battle with her body, trying to give JJ a sibling close in age. It's an ongoing obstacle as she and Jacob continue to try to expand their family.

But, for now, the couple is focused on ensuring JJ has everything he needs and more. He even has his own little basketball hoop that hangs on the wall, though he hasn't quite learned how to shoot the way his old man does.

For now, JJ will keep taking notes, watching his old man on TV at home or from the sidelines at Mizzou Arena while Jacob gives his all trying to make his last season one to remember.

The lessons he learned from Saunders, Gates, his grandparents and his father continue to push him to show up day-in and day-out for his team, his wife, himself and — most importantly — his son.

Copyright 2025 Columbia Missourian

This story was originally published December 25, 2025 at 10:45 AM with the headline "Behind Mizzou forward Jacob Crews' journey to becoming the father he didn't have."