Families shouldn’t avoid end-of-life care conversations

In the U.S., we enjoy being in control of our health care. We like choosing our doctor, when to schedule an appointment or test and where to receive care. But what happens when we are no longer able to make our choices known?

National Health Care Decisions Day is Saturday. It provides an important opportunity for people to talk with loved ones about end-of-life care. It ensures persons may control their own health care choices, just as they have throughout their lives, even when they can no longer speak for themselves.

It can be traumatic for a family — once a loved one becomes seriously ill or unable to express his or her wishes — to ask, “Would he or she have wanted things this way?” Having the conversation ahead of time might remove feelings of guilt or anxiety that come from saying: “I don’t know. We never discussed it.”

Every family should have the opportunity to honor a loved ones’ choices. Make National Health Care Decisions Day a conversation starter. The conversation doesn’t have to be awkward.

You might even suggest the conversation a few days in advance to give loved ones time to thoughtfully consider their wishes. Whether your family sits down one-on-one or all together, begin by telling loved ones how much you care for them and that your wish is to ensure their choices are honored.

Every family is unique. Reflecting on life well lived and laughter over good memories that you share can be a great way to open the door. At some point it is important to move the conversation to the future, asking questions about your loved ones’ wishes for care for the rest of their lives.

Conversations should focus on the positive, and allow the person’s choices to be heard and validated. Caring conversations are healthy and ultimately a gift to families.

Family members who have these conversations tend to suffer from less depression and guilt about whether a loved one was cared for in a manner that he or she would have chosen. Most important, they provide people with a voice to communicate what is best for them and to be at peace, knowing they will receive the care they want throughout the rest of their lives.

When should families think about having the conversation? No one can predict the future. I encourage people to make their wishes known while they’re in the prime of life.

At the time when someone is facing an illness or becomes unable to speak for himself, it may be too late. It is healthy for family members of all ages to make their wishes known.

Overall, what do you need to know? Ideally, the discussion should include whom you would want to speak for you when you no longer are able to speak for yourself, what type of interventions you would want to sustain your life or what type of measures you would want to keep you comfortable.

Anyone without a power of attorney or do-not-resuscitate order on file should consider these options, to lessen those tough questions later. As people near the end of life, they often wish for peace, and the knowledge they will be cared for.

These caring conversations allow every person the gift of knowing that will happen. Make time to open this important dialogue with those you love on Saturday. It may be one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.

This story was originally published April 12, 2016 at 6:05 PM with the headline "Families shouldn’t avoid end-of-life care conversations."