Missouri parents’ mental health matters. There’s help available | Opinion

In the spring of 2019, pregnant with my third child, my midwife asked me a compassionate, straightforward question that would forever change the trajectory of my life: “Do you ever think about hurting yourself?”

At the time I was experiencing a dark, unrelenting fog, a depression that felt like a physical weight engulfing every aspect of my life. I worried that my children and my family would be better off without me. I was honest with my midwife: “Sometimes, yes.”

According to the Missouri Department of Health and Human Services, the leading underlying cause of maternal mortality in Missouri is mental health conditions, including substance use disorder. The majority of deaths are in the postpartum period, from 43 to 365 days after delivery. And the department reports that all pregnancy-related deaths because of mental health conditions are considered preventable. All of them.

Parents during and after pregnancy need support more than any other time in their lives. However, “the village,” featured heavily in matriarchal societies of the past, is no longer readily available to the average United States family. Lack of sleep, isolation and inadequate support all exacerbate the problem. New parents come into parenthood expecting instant bonding and babies who sleep and eat like they’re “supposed to.” This rhetoric sets parents up for failure when their idealized vision of parenthood fails to match their lived reality, one in which they are often more isolated than ever before.

Thankfully, parenthood doesn’t have to look this way. When I shared how I was feeling with my midwife, the floodgates of support opened. She took me seriously and got me the help I needed, including medication and therapy resources. She led a free support group and invited me to attend. This group was a lifesaving intervention. With two little words, I was able to get the help I desperately needed.

Peer-led support groups are an evidence-based, accessible means to supporting new parents, and they’re available in our community. Whole Parent Foundation, a Kansas City nonprofit, offers free support groups for parents in Kansas and Missouri with wraparound care such as food, housing and child care.

During these meetings, parents support one another through their hardest days and celebrate each other’s joyful moments. They are encouraged not to sweep hard feelings under the rug. Instead, they can openly talk about mental health challenges, suicidal ideation, psychiatric needs and medications without fear of judgment or shame. Parents leave knowing they have a soft place to land — a safe, supportive community that will welcome them, even when they feel like they’re not enough.

This May, Whole Parent Foundation is raising awareness of parents’ mental health by recognizing Parental Mental Health Awareness Month in Kansas City and across Missouri. Join us in celebrating the parents in your life by helping to recognize and reduce the impact of mental health challenges during the perinatal period.

You can get involved by:

• Following organizations that support parental mental health and sharing their posts and events.
• Donating to local groups that provide essential resources and care.
• Volunteering your time — whether by offering child care, leading support groups or reaching out to support parents in your community.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or are in crisis, please visit the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.org or by calling or texting 988 from any state. Or contact the Crisis Text Line at crisistextline.org or by texting HOME to 741741.

If you’re looking for peer support and referrals to resources, you can call the Postpartum Support International help line at 1-800-944-4773 to connect with resources in your community.

Emilia Mense Caby of Lee’s Summit is vice president of programming and community engagement for the 501(c)(3) nonprofit Whole Parent Foundation. For local support, visit wholeparentfoundation.org