We fight in social media like we’d never do in person. We need to disagree better | Opinion

I saw this firsthand in my own home in Blue Springs: A disagreement between my wife and a longtime acquaintance from our church on Noland Road in Independence escalated quickly on social media. What began as a discussion about recent local job losses turned into a heated, emotional exchange. (She knows I am sharing her story.)

My wife, like many others, felt passionate about the issue — but the way the conversation unfolded troubled me deeply. What hurt the most was that this wasn’t a stranger — it was someone we had worshiped with, someone we respected. Now, I fear that relationship may be damaged, possibly beyond repair.

I tried to explain to my wife — and remind myself — that shouting our thoughts, even when we believe we’re right, rarely leads to understanding. More often, it shuts down ears and hardens hearts. If we want to truly be heard, our words must be respectful, thoughtful and personal.

I recently heard an old Kris Kristofferson song that stopped me in my tracks. It’s called “To Beat the Devil,” and while the song was written in another era, the chorus resonates powerfully with the moment we’re living in now:

“If you waste your time a-talkin’/To the people who don’t listen/To the things that you are sayin’/Who do you think’s gonna hear?”

In a world increasingly dominated by anger, division, and polarization those lines hit like a quiet truth in the middle of all the noise. I can’t help but think about the conversations we’re no longer having — or the ones we are having, but in a way that pushes us further apart.

Political and religious differences have always existed. That’s nothing new. But lately, it seems that we’ve forgotten how to live with those differences. We don’t just disagree — we vilify. We don’t just debate — we demean. We don’t just hold different worldviews — we treat those with other perspectives as if their very existence is a threat.

I learned in church that everyone has a worldview. It’s shaped by our experiences, our environment and the people who have influenced us. No two are exactly alike. Yet too often, we act as if our own worldview is not only correct, but the only valid one — as if someone else’s experiences can’t possibly lead them to a different conclusion in good faith.

When hateful speech becomes the norm, and when we refuse to consider another person’s story, we create a society where no one is truly heard. We build walls instead of bridges. And when everyone is shouting, no one is listening.

What worries me most is the long-term damage we’re doing — not just to our politics, but to our shared humanity. When we stop seeing the person behind the opinion, when we stop listening altogether, what kind of future are we building?

The voices that try to speak peace, compassion, and understanding often get drowned out — just like in Kristofferson’s song. He sings of lonely singers “in a world turned deaf and blind” whose voices were scattered “by the swirlin’ winds of time.”

But I don’t want us to be deaf or blind. I don’t want us to be scattered. I want us to listen again.

We may not always agree. That’s not the point. The point is to respect that every person carries a lifetime of experience that informs how they see the world. And in respecting that, we may just find space to be more human — and more united — than we thought possible.

So here’s my hope: that we take a step back. That we lower our voices. That we listen — not to respond, not to win, but to understand. Because the truth still matters. And so does each other.