Bullying is out of control in rural Missouri schools. Parents, we can help stop it | Opinion

A touchy subject that seems to get ignored or overlooked in today’s society is bullying in small, rural schools because of a lack of oversight. Sadly, this has resulted in one precious 16-year-old girl in my Missouri community to take her own life in 2022 and a 17-year-old boy shooting himself in 2016. And this year, my own son threatened to commit suicide rather than go back to his rural school.

These are just the ones I know about. They all involved bullying by peers whose parents were connected to the school one way or another — which leads me to wonder how seriously the cases are actually being taken.

The incidents have been reported time and time again, to the point that the bullying just gets worse and other children are brought into it. So my son stopped reporting. When I met with the superintendent and counselor the day after my son came to me, they criticized him for not reporting every single incident, saying they can’t act if they don’t know. But the school has known about it for years.

I was told something would be done but they can’t tell me when or what. Keep in mind the parents of the main two perpetrators are on the school board (dads) and teachers (moms). The school unenrolled my son that day. When he was accepted into another school a week later, I found out he never should have been unenrolled before he had another place to go. It seems to me administrators just wanted to get rid of my son as soon as possible, like he is the problem. I have found that other parents and grandparents have complained about the bullying issues at my son’s school as long ago as two years ago, but it still continues.

I reported this to the superintendent, and all she would say was essentially to stop bothering her with his problems. My son changed schools and is now in counseling, yet his main bully is still allowed to go to class and participate in extracurricular activities and social clubs. My son was pushed to his breaking point, while his bully gets to continue his education like he never did anything wrong.

Bullies tend to lack empathy for others — something that should be taught to children by their parents. Bullies have lack of remorse and fail to recognize that their behavior is a problem, often because they were raised by parents who acted the same way (and in our situation, this includes siblings of the bully). Victims tend to have higher rates of depression and anxiety. They are bullied for being too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny. Maybe they don’t have enough money, don’t wear the right clothes, aren’t athletic or “cool” enough. Many assailants in school shootings were bullied for years.

If you do not feel your child’s school is taking proper action against bullying, you can report it to the Missouri Center for Education Safety at 573-445-9920 or ces@mosba.org, to Courage2ReportMO online or at 866-748-7047, or to the Department of Elementary and Secondary Education at dese.mo.gov. The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is 988. Please make this number available for your children — it’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. Stopbullying.gov explains what to do if a child is being bullied at school.

I was a Missouri state investigator for eight years, working on child abuse, neglect and death cases. I worked with many schools and law enforcement agencies in an effort to protect children. I want to make everyone aware of what you can do if your child is being bullied — or even if your child is the bully.

No child should have to physically fight someone for bullying them, and then get in trouble themselves. My son is a kind person and has no interest in hurting anyone else. The “alpha” mentality that a lot of people express in rural areas is archaic. Too many boys are taught at a young age to embrace violence, that they are supposed to be tough and fight. This can take a serious toll on someone’s mental health — and the on reputation of men everywhere.

No human being wants to suffer. Bullying, especially in these cliquish small-town schools, is out of control. I am not going to bury my child because someone doesn’t like his glasses. I caught it in time and took it seriously, before I found myself sitting in the front row of a funeral home, staring at my dead child and hoping he will move — and wishing I had done something different.