Domestic violence is still the ‘shadow pandemic’ - but there’s help in Kansas City | Opinion
During the COVID-19 pandemic, we were told we’d be significantly safer quarantined at home. But many, including myself, faced another danger: domestic violence. Domestic violence soared when the world was shut down in what has since been called the “shadow pandemic.”
According to UN Women, exacerbating factors in this hidden crisis intensifying since 2020 include security, health, and money worries; cramped living conditions; lack of access to transportation; deserted public spaces; strained health services and overflows in domestic violence and homeless shelters.
I escaped one abusive relationship only to be trapped in another during lockdown. Isolated without support from family or friends, he was all I had — and I relied on him since I lost my car. At first, he was loving, caring and kind. But without healthy outlets for his fear and aggression, and with poor mental health and strained finances, I became his emotional punching bag.
We lived in a crowded house and later a tiny apartment. His manipulation, threats, assaults and aggression only worsened over time since we couldn’t get space from each other until I feared for my life. I felt like I was suffocating, struggling not to drown and choking for air. I couldn’t see the light.
I faced the dilemma that many survivors do: Stay and endure abuse so as to not lose housing and risk the violence escalating until we’re killed — or escaping our abusers, which often means becoming homeless and losing children and pets in the process.
Eventually, he pushed me to a breaking point, so I chose homelessness and ongoing housing insecurity. Thankfully, the criminal justice system worked in my favor. But that often isn’t the case, especially for LGBTQ+ folks and people of color.
Domestic violence is the primary cause of homelessness for women and girls. According to UN Women, 1 in 3 women and girls worldwide experience sexual and/or physical violence by a partner in their lives. Shelters are at capacity, with more people needing help than current resources can provide. People with unhealed trauma and no access to mental health care are also more likely to perpetrate domestic abuse.
Poor people experience domestic violence at much higher rates than those who are financially secure. Women living in rental housing are three times more at risk than women who own their homes. Landlords often have “zero tolerance for crime” policies, which harm victims who are at risk for eviction whether they caused the violence or not.
Furthermore, some landlords are unwilling to rent to victims entirely. According to the ACLU, landlords often learn about domestic violence only because victims have sought the help of police or courts. When victims know that they may face eviction, they are less likely to seek assistance — and therefore more likely to submit to the abuse.
Thankfully, KC Tenants recently won a ban on source of income discrimination, which means that landlords can’t deny someone housing based on previous history of domestic violence, among other important measures.
Not only do we need to believe and better support survivors of all genders with community care and not just policing — but we also need to expand funding for housing programs so we can open more doors and lower barriers on the path to healing. Above all, we need to address the root causes of poverty and crime so we can prevent violence from occurring to begin with.
I’m alive today because I was able to escape and survive. But not everyone is that fortunate. If you find yourself trapped in an abusive relationship, there is help. For a list of resources and support, call the Kansas City Police Department’s domestic violence assistance line at 816-HOTLINE or 816-468-5463, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.
Stay safe.