After Atlanta murders, how do we talk to our Asian American children about racism?

One of the most difficult things when you have children is figuring out how to share the ugly truth of racism — something I know Black families have been dealing with forever.

My wife and I were not exactly sure how to do it. Our two sons, who are 8 and 12, are so happy right now, and we want them to stay that way, to guard them forever. They are both outgoing, make friends quickly and love going to school. They play video games, love superheroes and watch YouTube (maybe too much), like most kids.

But the recent mass murder of eight people, six of them Asian women, in Atlanta forced us to have an urgent conversation about racism with our boys. We had to have an uncomfortable conversation with them so they can protect each other, and themselves, from possible harm — simply because they are Asian.

After dinner one night, we sat them down. Our strategy was to keep it simple and honest. We started off by talking about how everyone is different — skin color, hair color and facial features — but we’re all in the same human race.

We brought up the history of slavery, the mistreatment of Black communities and other people. And how that’s happening now to Asian Americans unjustly blamed for spreading the coronavirus.

We want them to be proud as Asian Americans, never to be ashamed of their skin color, facial features or their bodies. We told them it’s wrong for anyone to put them down for who they are.

Bullies only do that because they are hurting in some way and feel better when they put someone else down. We must show love and compassion for them, even though it’s difficult.

We told them both long ago that their mom and I couldn’t have been together at one point in this country’s history. They were both puzzled about why that would be, just because my family is from Okinawa and my wife’s family is from Germany and France.

They were both attentive during our talk this week, though my 8-year-old was a bit squirrelly. My older son responded with, “OK, I get it, cool.” My younger son, though, asked questions, like how our parents and their grandparents got here to this country. Short answer is, they wanted a better life and opportunity.

My younger son also wanted to know if the stories of Black people being killed during the early days of this country were actually true. We both said yes, and not just during the early days.

We ended it there knowing that we didn’t get to the long frightening history of racism — the murders, the lynchings or internment camps. There is so much more to say, but it’s the first of many conversations.

These discussions were part of my decision to speak up and express my anger, fear and concerns in the way people of color are being intimidated, attacked and killed.

I want to be proactive in making sure those xenophobic ideas don’t result in more violence. I want my family, friends and my Asian co-workers to be safe.

As of now, I haven’t come across any reported assaults toward the Kansas City Asian community, including myself or my family. I hope it stays that way.

I also hope our two sons won’t have to have these uncomfortable conversations about racism with their children. But I might be too optimistic.

This story was originally published March 28, 2021 at 5:00 AM with the headline "After Atlanta murders, how do we talk to our Asian American children about racism?."