Jewish Pembroke grad: Why are parents more worried about retaliation than swastika?

When I read Mará Rose Williams’ story in The Star about the swastika and hateful messages toward LGBTQ students found at my alma mater, Pembroke Hill School, last week, I felt, to paraphrase one parent in the article, sickened. I’m sickened by the incident, obviously, and also by the administration’s initial tepid response — on International Holocaust Remembrance Day, no less — but even more at the indication that in the years since I left the school, nothing much has changed there.

I graduated from Pembroke in 2016, one of a handful of practicing Jews in my class. Though I was never personally the victim of outward anti-Semitism during my time there, there were incidents, as Williams notes in her story. But I don’t remember ever hearing about them from administrators directly — only through the high school rumor mill. And I don’t remember attending an assembly where administrators clearly condemned the incidents and explained why it was their duty, moral or otherwise, to do so. This time, at least, the head of school and principal appeared to do that much.

What I do remember from five years ago is the way the school’s culture did not punish students who acted so brazenly and hatefully. The school may have formally punished them — a student would leave the school (whether they were asked to leave or forced to was never made explicitly clear) and enroll in a different private school. But if they were well liked by their peers, they would probably stay friends with their former Pembroke classmates. Maybe they would continue to attend events sponsored by Pembroke — football games, dances — as guests.

Years after I graduated, I would see Instagram posts by people I knew well and liked, posing with these students. All those years later, I would stop scrolling through my feed and stare at an image, wondering why I seemed to be the only one who thought something was wrong with it.

With this in mind, perhaps the most poignant part of Williams’ story was this: “Parents told The Star they are afraid to speak out for fear their children may end up targets in school.” What does it say about Pembroke’s culture that parents are fearful of their children facing social sanction — or worse — because their parents spoke out against anti-Semitism, but they apparently do not expect sanctions against the students who are actually behind the hateful incidents?

That the key theme of the assembly following the appearance of the swastika was unity further reveals, however unintentionally, a harmful culture of brushing aside similar incidents rather than facing them and their consequences. When those we are supposed to unite with are drawing swastikas on desks — or in other contexts, flying flags emblazoned with the symbol — calls for unity start to ring hollow. Imagine how much stronger a simple claim of “We do not tolerate hate” would resonate if we, as a society, spent as much energy showing solidarity with targets of bigotry as we did trying to reunite with those perpetrating them.

I don’t pretend to know how exactly the school should change things. Education about the Holocaust is already a part of the Pembroke curriculum, but maybe more is needed (though it is hard to believe that anyone in this day and age — let alone students at a school that charges $25,000 a year for its purported academic rigor — could not comprehend the seriousness of the symbol).

Education on anti-Semitism is a different thing, and one that is woefully lacking, and not just at Pembroke. It wasn’t until I got to college that I learned about identifying anti-Semitic tropes and their roots in lies and discrimination. Dismantling biases and stereotypes — not just against Jews, but against any marginalized group — and treating them as dangerous is key to stopping microaggressions from escalating into bias incidents such as the swastika, or even to the level of a hate crime.

This unlearning should not fall solely on the shoulders of Pembroke’s teachers. This education should start before students reach high school. Parents have the great responsibility of instilling values of respect and morality in their children from an early age, and furthermore of living up to those values and setting an example. But at a certain point, the students need to answer for their own actions and beliefs themselves.

I am glad to see that Pembroke’s leadership intends to do the right thing and take appropriate disciplinary action if and when it identifies those responsible for these hateful incidents. But more than that, I hope individual students and parents stand in solidarity with Pembroke’s Jewish and LGBTQ communities by standing against hate, wherever it shows up.

Emily Cohen is a freelance writer from Kansas City.

This story was originally published February 1, 2021 at 5:34 PM.