Everyone who is HIV-positive deserves love, and equal protection under Missouri law

Anyone who is wise will tell you that it’s important to show up for our loved ones every day. I’ve learned to celebrate the fact that each one of us is deserving of love. As a gay man, that’s something I know in my heart now, but it took me some time and struggle really to believe it after I came out in 2004.

Two years ago, I met a wonderful man through mutual friends, and quickly fell in love with him. It was shortly after we started dating that he told me that he was HIV positive.

When he shared this news with me, I hugged him and asked if he was healthy. When he said he was, I told him that it didn’t bother me — and then we went out to dinner. It was that simple for me. I knew this man was special. I wanted to be in his life, and for him to be in mine. I was HIV negative, and learning that he was HIV positive didn’t change my care or love for him.

As a man who came out later in life, I know what it’s like to be afraid that you won’t be accepted and loved. Before I realized I was gay, I was married to a woman for 12 years. We have three beautiful children together, all of whom are grown now.

My faith teaches me that we’re all God’s children. It’s how I know we all deserve love. That’s true for those of us who are LGBTQ. And that’s true for everyone who is HIV positive.

It’s important to know that detection and treatment of HIV has come a long way in recent years. While my partner is HIV positive, his viral load is undetectable. This is something many folks still don’t know is possible, even in communities that have higher rates of HIV. And because my partner’s viral load is undetectable and he takes medication daily to maintain that status, the virus is also untransmittable. I was HIV negative when we started our relationship,and I still am.

Yet despite how far we’ve come, people who are HIV positive still face tremendous stigma and discrimination. My partner is out at work as a gay man. But he is not out about his HIV status, because he’s afraid that he could lose his job if his employer knew. He’s also afraid of how colleagues might treat him, or that his status could be used against him. No one who is qualified and hardworking should be afraid of losing their job or treated unfairly because of who they are.

That’s why it’s so shocking that 30 states in the U.S. — including Missouri — lack comprehensive protections from LGBTQ discrimination in employment, housing and public spaces. Nearly two-thirds of LGBTQ Americans across the country have reported facing discrimination in their daily lives, and for those living with HIV, the likelihood of discrimination is even greater.

For people like my partner, every state must pass comprehensive anti-discrimination legislation, and Congress must pass federal protections such as the Equality Act so all LGBTQ Americans can live their lives being true to who they are, free from harassment and discrimination.

I feel fortunate to have found a caring, loving man to share my life with. I do my best to show up for him and let him know how much I love him, and how deserving he is of love. And he does the same for me. To everyone who is HIV positive in our community and beyond: You deserve love. Period.

This story was originally published March 28, 2020 at 5:00 AM with the headline "Everyone who is HIV-positive deserves love, and equal protection under Missouri law."