Toriano Porter: Violent loss of son spurs new resolve

Sunday marked the fifth-year anniversary of the death of my firstborn son, who was 16 when he was shot and killed in my hometown of St. Louis.

In my profession I’ve interviewed several parents — at least a dozen in 14 years — who have suffered the same agony. I’ve always marveled at their strength, courage and resolve to speak on record about their child.

I couldn’t imagine what it felt like. I didn’t want to.

Yet I can vividly recall the telephone call I received from my son’s mother — you know, the call no parent wants to be on the other end of.

When the call came shortly after 4 p.m. that day, I sank. My heart did, at least.

I was on assignment more than 230 miles away in Kansas City. His mother had become his primary caretaker after I moved.

She was devastated when she delivered the news.

“They got him, Tory,” she screamed. “They got him.”

“Got who?” I said. “What are you talking about?”

“Your son,” she said. “They shot him.”

At 3:58 p.m. my son was pronounced dead on the scene after being shot at least three times in the chest. His body still lay in the street while his mother broke the news six minutes later.

“Don’t tell me that,” I said. “Tell me he’s moving or something.”

“They’re putting the (police) tarp up, Tory,” she said. “He’s gone.”

I immediately felt a sense of guilt. I failed my son, I thought.

That feeling has never left me. It consumed me for a period of time before I realized I needed to use it as motivation. Life is better than this, I thought. Somebody could learn from this.

You never truly get over losing a child. You come to grips with it. Hopefully, you manage the emotions that swirl inside you. And you press forward.

I have used my son’s death as fuel to become a better person, a better man, a better father, a better steward of mercy and faith.

This time I will not fail.

This story was originally published September 30, 2014 at 4:20 PM with the headline "Toriano Porter: Violent loss of son spurs new resolve."