Jesse Newton’s Facebook post on Tuesday began with foreboding.
“So, last week, something pretty tragic happened in our household. It’s taken me until now to wrap my head around it and find the words to describe the horror.”
The horror that unfolded in his Little Rock, Ark., home last week has taken Facebook by storm, shared more than 200,000 times by now.
It probably helped that Newton added a diagram showing what happened when the family’s Roomba — one of those self-propelled, robotic vacuum cleaners — ran over the dog’s poop in the middle of the night.
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Just let that sink in for a second.
A Roomba, designed to glide over every square inch of a room while you’re away, rolled over a pile of stinky poo and just ... kept ... dragging ... the ... poop.
Newton accepts some of the blame. The family’s puppy, Evie, who had never had an accident indoors before, went on the rug in the living room “probably just because we forgot to let her out before we went to bed that night.”
They know the poopy puppy pottied between midnight and 1:30 a.m. because the Roomba is set to run at 1:30 a.m. every night, he wrote.
“Do not, under any circumstances, let your Roomba run over dog poop,” he warned.
“Because if that happens, it will spread the dog poop over every conceivable surface within its reach, resulting in a home that closely resembles a Jackson Pollock poop painting.
“It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids’ toy boxes. If it’s near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house.”
Newton’s 4-year-old son found the mess first. Walked right through it. Then he crawled into his parent’s bed with it on his feet, smelling like poop.
Then Newton found the mess. He stayed up all night, disassembling and cleaning the Roomba, cleaning up the poop with the carpet shampooer, steam mop, paper towels ... bleach.
“Oh, and you’re not just using profanity — you’re inventing new types of profanity. You’re saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion,” he wrote.
He spent a week trying to figure out how to save the $400 Roomba he took apart to clean, then decided to call the place where he bought it, Hammacher Schlemmer.
“And you know what they did? They offered to replace it. Yes, folks. They are replacing the Roomba that ran over dog poop and then died a poopy, watery death in the bathtub — by no fault of their own, of course. So, mad props to Hammacher Schlemmer,” he wrote.
Oh, and when his Facebook post starting going viral, with an assist from the Scary Mommy blog, the Roomba folks contacted him, too.
“Your ‘pooptastrophe’ has won the hearts of the internet AND helped ‘spread’ the word of caution when scheduling with pets!” Roomba wrote.
“We would love for you to private message us over at iRobot when you get the chance. We have a token of appreciation for your story and continued Roomba love!”