‘Am I psycho?’ Strange Google searches, state by state

Dear Kentucky: Do you really need Google to tell you how babies are made?

And dear Coloradans: Could you be smoking something when you Google “Where is Waldo?”

A new map from Estately, a national real estate company, shows the searches each state Googled more frequently than any other between 2004 and 2016.

What a weird, wacky, wonderful country we are, Googling such pressing questions as “Did Jay-Z cheat on Beyonce?” “Do cats fart?” “Why is my poop green?” “How many beers in a keg?” and “Where is my phone?”

Kansans want to know: “How to make meth?”

Missourians worry: “Am I a psycho?” (Or were those all Tech N9ne fans Googling his song of that name?)

New Yorkers are searching for self-awareness too, Googling “Am I an alcoholic?” “Am I a Democrat?” and “Am I bisexual?”

Florida appears alternately awash in both paranoia and high self-regard, Googling both “Why does everyone hate Florida?” and “Which Disney princess am I?”

Maryland asked Google: “Did O.J. do it?”

“Using Google Autocomplete we compiled hundreds of the most common questions Americans type into the Google search bar,” Estately explains on its website.

“We ran those searches through Google Trends to determine which state queried each of these selected searches the most over the past 12 years.

“To be clear, the list below does not represent what each state Googles the most, it simply shows the searches each state Googles more frequently than the other 49 states and the District of Columbia.”

Thus we now know that Texans have asked Google “how to yodel” and “Do girls poop?” But they also seem stumped by this: “Where is the Internet?”

“Thankfully, Hawaii decided to get a bit more existential with their Googled concerns by scouring the Internet for the meaning of life,” notes Complex.

“Though it’s safe to say we’ll likely never get an answer to that question, we can at least assume the meaning of life totally includes the pastime of meticulously studying the Googling habits of everyone else to gauge your own sanity.”

Google searches in Southern states are a whole mess of head-scratchin’ wonder.

Georgians want to know why their “nipples are so sore.”

Mississippi residents apparently lie awake at night wondering whether President Barack Obama is the antichrist but also wonder whether mermaids are real.

Tennessee residents also want to know if unicorns are real and are apparently clueless about what the clap is, asking Google to explain it.

Kentuckians asked the Internet “how to pass a drug test.”

Some things people ask Google about are frankly things they should probably know without using the Internet.

Dear, sweet, North Carolina, we can show you how to open a jar.

And West Virginia, Cinco de Mayo is on May 5.

And Wyoming, the answer to “What is Wyoming?” is right outside your front door.

But what we really want to know, before we make vacation plans, is this: Why is Delaware Googling “how to get away with murder?”

Here’s hoping they’re asking about the TV schedule.

This story was originally published May 26, 2016 at 10:59 AM with the headline "‘Am I psycho?’ Strange Google searches, state by state."