‘Constant whining noises.’ Guy offers girlfriend on eBay like a used car – and gets bids

Question for all the women out there: What would you do if your boyfriend put you up for sale on eBay, describing you as he would a used car?

“Constant whining noise.”

“Fairly tidy but close up shows signs of wear.”

Just about the only thing British dude Dale Leeks didn’t offer to potential buyers was the chance to kick his girlfriend’s tires when he listed her on eBay as a joke late last month.

Her estimated “delivery time” was somewhere between Oct. 4 and 5.

Leeks, who lives in Colchester, Essex, said he was just getting back at his girlfriend after she whipped him across his bottom while they were visiting a horse riding shop, according to CTV news. (He said he whipped her first, though.)

He and Kelly Greaves have been dating for about a year, CTV reported.

“But the prank backfired a bit when Kelly started raking in the bids,” noted Metro in London, one of the British publications that outed Leeks and his prank.

The listing had more than 81,000 views in 24 hours before eBay took it down, the Mirror, a British tabloid, reported.

The highest bid? The equivalent of nearly $120,000, according to CTV.

“Ermm 1 day on eBay and I’m getting messages from around the world,” Leeks wrote on Facebook on Sept. 23. “Only done it as a joke but she’s up to 52 thousand pound now I’m definitely selling. The messages are the best.”

Potential buyers asked all manner of very cheeky questions. Leeks posted screenshots on his Facebook page.

“Does the girlfriend come with any sandwich-making skills?”

“How many owners has she had?”

And, there was this: “Good luck when your Mrs. finds out pa!.”

“The first few bids and messages on eBay were from friends who had seen that I’d done it and gone and bid on her,” Leeks said, according to the Mirror.

But soon, he said, bids started coming in from places far from England, including America and Australia, the Mirror reported.

“I was like ‘wow, what have I done?’” he said, according to the MIrror.

So what exactly had he done?

He’d broken eBay’s policy about selling humans — whole or otherwise.

It says it right there on the eBay website: “We don’t allow the sale of human bodies, body parts, or products made from the human body on eBay.”

“They told me I couldn’t sell a human being,” Leeks joked, according to the Canadian TV network.

At one point, Greaves asked him at what price he would have actually sold her for, Metro reported.

“Would you have been upset if someone actually bought me?” he said she wanted to know, according to Metro.

“I said I would have been upset but I would have been crying in either a Lamborghini or a Ferrari, which makes it a whole lot better,” he joked, as reported by Metro.

“She was less impressed that I had done it at first,” Metro quoted Leeks as saying. “But as it went along she said she wondered how much she was going to go for and said she was actually quite happy that I was selling her.”

Raise your hand if you believe her.

In a CTV interview published Tuesday, Greaves was quoted as saying she’s planning a “quiet and private revenge.”

She said she and Leeks, a landscaper, have been friends for 10 years and humor is apparently a glue that binds them, CTV reported.

“I think we got similar personalities. We’re both quick witted,” the heating company director said, according to CTV. “I think I’m one of the only few who dare to rib him back and such. We’ll try and humiliate each other — in a nice kind of way.”

Claiming the last laugh, she described her beau as both a “little bit of a cave man” and “a bit like a naughty child,” CTV reported.

This story was originally published October 9, 2018 at 3:55 PM.