In these ‘peak a-hole’ times, Stanford professor has tips for dealing with jerks

If the world feels like it’s overrun with rude, crude, mean people who disrespect, demean and depress you, it might not be your imagination.

We could be living in “peak a-hole” times, warns Stanford University professor of management science and engineering Robert Sutton.

The man knows a-holes. Ten years ago Sutton wrote “The No Asshole Rule,” a hit guide to creating workplaces free of a-holes that earned him the honor, welcome or not, of being the world’s leading expert on jerks.

People call him “The A-hole Guy.”

He’s spent more than 10 years studying bullies, backstabbers and their ilk, learning how nice people can survive them in the workplace and private life.

His new book, “The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt,” offers tips on how to deal with the ones you can’t avoid.

So how does he define an a-hole? Generally, he says, it’s someone who leaves you demeaned, disrespected or de-energized.

You know. People who make you feel like poop.

“The worst ones for me to deal with are the strategic smart ones,” Sutton told Today. “They can be the most successful, too, because they’re the ones who know when to turn it on and off.

“They know what to say about you behind your back, what to say to your face. They’re the ones who don’t lose it and start screaming in public. People who are strategic jerks are really, really dangerous.”

A-holism can be contagious, he says. “Nasty behavior spreads much faster than nice behavior, unfortunately,” Sutton told New York Magazine.

In the book he references research that shows even a one-time exposure to negative behavior - like receiving an insulting email - can make you an a-hole “carrier.” He likens it to catching a cold.

“The more a-holes you’re around, the more a-hole-y you get,” he told the magazine.

He identified four a-hole archetypes for the Daily Mail.

Recognize one, or all?

There’s the “Machiavellian” who takes pleasure in other people’s pain and focuses on personal gain. They get nasty to your face because they don’t care that you know they’re an a-hole.

There’s the more strategic and potentially most dangerous “Backstabber” - friendly to your face, nasty to you behind your back. “They are more strategically competent a-holes,” Sutton told the Daily Mail. “They kiss up and knock down people around them.”

The “Purposefully Oblivious” jerk belittles people by not acknowledging them at all.

“Oh, do I know you?”

The “Clueless” a-hole has no idea they are an a-hole. That is why, Sutton advises, it’s best to surround yourself with people who aren’t afraid to tell you when you’re being a jerk, he told the Daily Mail. “If you’re an a-hole and a winner, you’re still a loser in my book,” he said.

A-holes aren’t always easy to avoid - especially when you work or live with them - or change, so Sutton recommends keeping your distance. He means that literally.

Evidence shows the closer you sit to a jerk - within 25 feet - the more likely it is the “mean” will rub off on you and you’ll begin to mimic their behavior, Sutton told Today.

Ask for a desk far away, he recommends. Or even just stepping away to “a-hole free zones,” such as the bathroom or hallway, can help, too.

Keep a low profile if you can, he advises. This will be difficult if you’re productive and charismatic and draw attention to yourself, he told Today. But going unnoticed can be an effective jerk shield.

“When you’re boring, it’s amazing what you can get away with because people don’t pay attention to you,” he told Today.

He also recommends what, in the vernacular of the workplace, is known as “kissing up,” a controversial and unpalatable prospect for some. But he argues that it can be an effective defense, especially if you work for a narcissist who craves flattery, he told Today.

Fighting back is an option, too, but at work you need a plan, evidence and a posse that will watch your back when you do, he said. (A one-on-one conversation with the jerk could work, too, he says.)

“One of the simplest — but admittedly hardest — things you can do is simply learn not to give a (shoot),” he told Vox. “Not giving a (shoot) takes the wind out of an a-hole’s sails. When an a-hole’s being nasty to you, ignore him.

“Think about when you’ll get home later that night and the fact that that a-hole won’t be there and won’t matter. Think about how a year from now that a-hole won’t be in your life, but he’ll still be the a-hole he always was.”

Vox asked if it’s ever appropriate to “out-a-hole an a-hole.”

“Sure,” Sutton said. “If somebody has a long history of hurting you, and they have a Machiavellian personality, the only thing they understand is a display of force. If that’s the case, the best way to protect yourself is to fire back with everything you’ve got.

“Look, some people deserve to be treated badly. More importantly, they need to be treated badly. Sometimes you have to speak to the a-hole in the only language they understand, and that means you have to get your hands dirty.”

This story was originally published September 29, 2017 at 4:33 PM with the headline "In these ‘peak a-hole’ times, Stanford professor has tips for dealing with jerks."