With 3 kids, the ‘lasting’ impression similar, but not at all the same for this mom

The last of the lasts started back in August. Because this is my last, they were familiar, but because kids are all different, they weren’t.

I have three kids and the youngest is about to graduate high school. The “last homecoming” “last parent-teacher conference,” “last college selection process” … all the lasts started when my youngest kid’s senior year of high school began. They, with my emotions in tow, amped up when this final semester began last month.

My children came in two batches: the first two arrived within two years of each other, the last one was born six years later. Three children, same parents, same house, same economic situation, same level of love for all, but they were not brought up the same way.

I raise an eyebrow to anyone who says they parented all their kids the same way. I didn’t. How could I? Not only were they very different people, but I was a different parent when each arrived. My parenting strategies changed with experience and their personalities dictated how best to parent each of them. After all, parenting isn’t an assembly line; it’s more of a craft experience.

When my oldest child, Rebekah, graduated high school eight years ago, it was my first lasts. I didn’t know how I would react to all of it. Would I weep through her 18th birthday thinking about how fast time had whizzed by? Would I need a lot of tissues at her graduation? I just didn’t know.

As her senior year careened on, I felt excitement for her future. I knew she had a good head on her shoulders, and if anything, she was overly cautious and I felt I needed to bump her into taking chances. Like a lot of her childhood, the year was full of newbie-navigation. She knew what happened her senior year as much as we did, which wasn’t much.

She chose a community college for the first two years, so I wasn’t sending her off into the world, she was easing out into it. My overwhelming emotions were happiness, pride and excitement for her.

Two years later, it was the eldest son’s time. I experienced all of his lasts very differently because the kids were such different people with different challenges and personalities, different goals and gifts. So the two senior years were very different.

I was wiser as to the steps parents must make through this final year of public school: when we needed to make sure the cap and gown were ordered, how to get senior portraits done, what happens on senior night for his teams. All the mechanics were covered, but the emotions were new.

He and I were both ready for him to leave for sleep-away college at the beginning of his senior year. I felt guilty for not wanting to hold onto him for a while, but also proud that he was so independent.

It’s six years later and because of experience, I knew that when the calendar flipped to 2023, I was entering the emotional portion of the lasts.

It’s always easy to push the bittersweets and heartbreaks away when it’s not the actual year that they graduate, but when that final semester hits, I know exactly how fast it’s going to go. What I didn’t know is that, right now, a cacophony of emotions — proud, grateful, sad, excited and scared — are all smooshed into a giant ball that’s bouncing around my heart.

This kid is also very independent and, honestly, has been emotionally ready to go off to college for about a year. I’m not ready for him to go. I don’t know that I will ever be ready.

But, I know that, for one last time, I must let my child go.

Susan is a Kansas City based podcaster and writer. She is the co-host of the award-winning, women’s history podcast, The History Chicks. Her youngest kid is going to Mizzou.