Matt Keenan: Thou shalt not set a budget when it comes to buying Royals gear

Before you rush out to Dick’s Sporting Goods, here is the 411 on what you need to know about buying Royals gear for our World Champions.

10. Start early and upgrade. Sure, you know this, but it’s worth revisiting. Yes, buy that “we are in the playoffs but we don’t know how far we will go” shirt. The one that says “Royals Central Division Champs” was made obsolete by the “ALCS” shirt and then diminished by the “World Series Champs.” All are chapters in the journey for the last month.

9. There is no budget. Extend all your credit limits. It’s OK. Sound financial principals can go on vacation at times like this. Forget Dave Ramsey. His Financial Peace University did not have a class on baseball teams that have won six times this postseason after trailing by multiple runs. A team that is now historic as the most epic comeback team in history. Mr. Ramsey never had to wait 30 years for a World Series Championship. He wasn’t on his couch last year screaming for Alex Gordon to run home in Game 7. This is what emergency funds are for.

Gear that screams “WORLD CHAMPS” takes a front seat to baby formula, utility bills and rent payments. There are bigger priorities right now. Someday your toddler will understand. Get him a toddler shirt and then start posting photos. It will go viral.

8. Go for the shirts first. There are nine varieties. Get them all. You never know when you will need an XXXL French crew neck pullover.

7. Then get the hats. There are 30 varieties. Go insane and buy all but one of them. (See commandment 5 below). Yes, you might pull a muscle swiping your card so many times but you only live once. Visa will likely suspect identity theft but hopefully the software will recognize your Kansas City zip code and understand. Yes, some hats have color patterns that appear created in a poorly lit room. Never mind. They will age well. You definitely need the stocking caps in black and white. This will be a long, dark, depressing winter without baseball and you will need something to cheer you up. It’s better and cheaper than therapy, which we will need when Johnny Cueto becomes a free agent and pitches for someone else. YES I JUST SAID THAT.

6. Next get the accessories. Here you need to be careful. Show some restraint. For example, a Kansas City Royals 2015 World Series Champions Bat by Louisville Slugger has some appeal, but if you have a Chiefs fan in the house, this might be problematic. Key chains are a requirement. I’m getting one. It improves my mood when I climb in my jalopy.

5. Do not get anything with the Mets logo. They sell some of these with the Royals logo. This could cause confusion among the Royals fans. If someone sees you wearing one and thinks you are a Mets fan, they might hug you, say they are sorry and offer to buy you a pumpkin latte.

4. Don’t buy online. Half the fun is going to the store and embracing total strangers buying Royals blankets. High fives are abundant. Sunday night we ended up at the Rally House on the Plaza at midnight. The fire marshal was on vacation. It was like the parade had started early but this was just to get to the cash register. When Lori said, “Let’s go buy Royals gear with half the city’s population,” such a thought is rarely met with, “What a great idea.” Sunday night was the exception.

When we got to the register the only thing left were KU football T-shirts. No matter. Swiping ensued.

3. All of your relatives need gear. Especially Uncle Fester who lives in Branson and has a lot of Cardinals gear. He’s still fixated on Don Denkinger and ancient history. And don’t forget about your cousins in western Kansas whose Internet is spotty and who shop at Orscheln Farm and Home supply. Send them a Christian Colon jersey. You may need to include an explanation.

2. Grab anything with Zobrist’s name on it. He is the second coming and, maybe, possibly, could be wearing a different jersey next year. I just rocked your world, I know, but keep swiping and things will start to feel better.

1. The Kansas City Star. These will be more valuable than “Dewey Defeats Truman.” Buy them all, put in a tub in your basement, next to your beanie baby collection and 30 years from now pull it out. You were there. We all were.

This story was originally published November 2, 2015 at 12:45 PM with the headline "Matt Keenan: Thou shalt not set a budget when it comes to buying Royals gear."