I’m an evangelical Christian. I don’t know where I belong in the church of Donald Trump

Long before the Jan. 6 assault on the U.S. Capitol, I’ve been struggling. I seriously don’t know where I belong. I am a lifelong Republican and a pro-life evangelical Christian who can’t stand Donald Trump. The last two presidential elections have posed impossible dilemmas for me: I couldn’t conscientiously vote for either candidate both times, so I voted for a plausible write-in.

I feel cheated. I find myself astounded at Republicans kowtowing to a B-list reality show star who had no previous Republican proclivities. Equally, I am embarrassed that my evangelical friends have gone goo-goo over someone who demonstrates no Christian values and who has a documented history of sexual irresponsibility, unethical business practices and moral failures.

When I go to Republican membership meetings, I feel that I have to duck under the table when they tried to sell MAGA hats. Trump hasn’t made America great again — just the opposite. His encouragement of the Capitol riot, his attacks on our world allies and embrace of our enemies have made the United States less respected on the world stage. Will we ever know what took place at his multiple private meetings and phone calls with Russian President Vladimir Putin? In his glee to back out of every international agreement that President Barack Obama signed, Trump has made America less safe and less reliable to our allies. I often prayed that there would not be a major terrorist event under Trump’s watch, as I feared that he would not know what to do.

Many Republicans apparently liked Trump’s lack of government experience and his promises to “drain the swamp.” However, his four-year term was the most scandal-filled, dysfunctional, divisive presidential term I’ve ever witnessed — with the most firings, resignations and criminal convictions of any presidential term in memory. As president, he offered no positive role model, no positive leadership, no inspiration. He appealed to the worst of our instincts, making fun of and bullying anyone who disagreed with him. His fight with Sen. John McCain, even after he was dead, was pathetic.

Trump is pathologically narcissistic, vindictive, morally challenged, racist and unfit for presidential office. Yet most Republicans, at least till now, followed blindly. I fear that Trump has done irreparable harm to the Republican Party.

I know why many evangelicals have followed Trump: because he has implemented pro-life policies during his presidency. He also endorsed support for Israel, religious liberty and conservative judges. For these things, I am very grateful. But I fear that evangelicals’ association with a man who does not in any way represent moral values is hypocritical at its core. His attempts at pretending to be Christian (such as the photo op in front of the church across the street from the White House) are a mockery.

And I have watched with astonishment as many Christians validated Trump’s sore-losing attempt at damaging the election process, while he rakes in the dough. I fear that the evangelical witness has been badly tarnished because of enthusiastic support for the “stable genius” who needs redemption not adulation.

I hope to God that the Capitol siege ends Trump’s dominance over the Republican Party. Enough is enough. Surely there is someone out there who can carry the GOP torch with dignity and morality. And maybe I can find a place to belong.

Dr. Earl A. Martin is a former public school administrator in Kansas and former adjunct instructor at Emporia State University.

This story was originally published January 20, 2021 at 5:00 AM with the headline "I’m an evangelical Christian. I don’t know where I belong in the church of Donald Trump."