Danedri Herbert: Marriage matters — to us all

June used to be a month filled with blushing brides, chicken dances and one too many glasses of champagne. The last few Junes have seemed a little sad. I assumed it was just my age — a natural part of the life cycle. But no, it isn’t just me: Fewer Americans are getting married.

Marriage matters.

Millenials are soon to be the largest living generation. As the majority of them enter prime marriage age, researchers are discovering that millenials just aren’t all that into it.

According to Demographic Intelligence’s U.S. Wedding Forecast, the marriage rate — the number of people per 1,000 getting married — will drop a tenth of a point to 6.7 by 2016. That’s a historic low. The rate peaked at 16.4 in 1946 and bounced between 8 and 11 through the 1980s.

The marriage rate has been in free fall since the 1990s, with no signs of improvement.

A Washington Post blog post cites a number of reasons mlilenials are turning away from matrimony, including a struggling economy, a less religious society and the dissipating social stigmas against having children out of wedlock or living together.

I can’t swing an elbow in Johnson County without hitting a person wailing about the injustice of cutting public education funding, because it’s for the children. (Seriously, that’s the whole argument. It’s for the children. But that’s a column for another day.)

Yet, there’s now a social stigma against the completely accurate supposition that marriage dramatically reduces the likelihood of a child living in poverty.

That’s not a conservative viewpoint. It’s science.

A 2012 Heritage Foundation study found that marriage drops the probability of child poverty by 82 percent. More than 37 percent of poor children live in households headed by a single parent. Less than 7 percent of children living with married parents live in poverty. In Kansas, only 5 percent of children living with married parents live in poverty.

Unfortunately, ThinkProgress, a liberal digital rag, does sometimes show up in my Facebook feed. So I realize there are people who will argue the poverty rate for children in single-parent homes has nothing to do with marriage itself. Fortunately, I am able to use reason and logic and recognize the obvious: A higher poverty rate among the children of single parents is partially the result of the absence of a second income. Also, the average level of education is lower among single mothers than in the rest of the population.

This is not to bash single mothers, although I do wish we’d stop holding single motherhood as a sacred cow. Maybe marriage should be the sacred cow instead. Fatherhood deserves some credit as well.

Children from fatherless homes are more likely to commit suicide, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that children from fatherless homes are more likely to have behavior disorders. A 2002 Department of Justice survey revealed that 39 percent of jail inmates grew up in mother-only households. Children in single-parent homes are twice as likely to be the victims of neglect and abuse.

That list just scratches the surface.

Marriage cures some social ailments, but that’s not the only reason I want to weep for all the millenials choosing singleness.

Marriage is good for children, and it’s good for individuals, too.

I’ve only been married seven years. I am a better me because of it.

I am less selfish and more thoughtful. Because I have made a lifetime commitment to my husband, I can’t make sweeping decisions on my own. I have to think about him in everything I do.

It probably shows most in finances. I am careful not to spend frivolously, because my money is no longer mine. It’s his, too. (By the way, having to consider someone else in spending habits — has increased our wealth dramatically.)

This constant awareness of my husband has made me more thoughtful towards my friends and family, too.

Married people live longer than their single counterparts. They’re less likely to be depressed and more likely to make healthier choices.

I want these things for my millenial friends, especially since I’ve perfected the chicken dance. Now I need somewhere to show it off.

This story was originally published June 2, 2015 at 5:51 PM with the headline "Danedri Herbert: Marriage matters — to us all."