Stacey Hatton: Relaxing poolside? Enjoy it while you can

Memorial Day is right around the corner and everything I love about this time of year is coming full throttle. Children are salivating for that first full-bodied splash into the freezing waters of a swimming pool. Actually, any body of water will do, as long as it’s outdoors and not a bathtub.

Kids don’t care if the water is only 50 degrees, foul smelling, green and filled with last summer’s bugs and diseases. As soon as the bathing suit is on and the American flag is hanging high, they are off and running for the closest water source.

It’s also the season where mothers think, “Ah, bleep! I knew there was something I left off my to-do list.”

The dreaded “squeeze your pale, flaky, hibernating-fatted body into the first bathing suit of the season” is a dance we all can live without. For many moms, no amount of pinching, pushing or sucking can squeeze their parts into that swim skirt.

“I know this (tug) fit (yank) last year. I obviously put it in the dryer so it shrunk.”

Since I’m no more in shape than last year, I’ll scour Target again for this year’s most fashionable and largest swimsuit tarp. I prefer the full body cover-up in black. Really anything short of a burka will suffice for my summer beachwear.

Another of my least favorite things to do this summer is the daily methodical application of sunscreen to every family member. It may seem tolerable right now, but I promise come mid-July, parents across the country will be fed up with the reapplying rule. When will someone invent a heavy-duty SPF that can be applied easily and not have to be applied again every two hours? Is this asking too much?

I am proud, however, to announce that both my children know how to swim — without drowning. Hallelujah! I don’t need to watch them every second, which means (shh!) I get to read a book poolside! I think the last time I read a book near water was 2005. You can imagine how long my book list is.

I’m sure there are mothers with older children who are shaking their heads while reading this. They are thinking I should savor these moments. Experienced moms longingly reminisce about those precious days of their toddler in swim diapers and certified lifejackets, but I’m not one of them. I’m thrilled to join the ranks of non-neurotic moms relaxing in a lounge chair and periodically looking up to count heads.

I spent the last six years in the pool being splashed in the face, bonked in the head, slapped, urinated on and strangled while playing with my sweet girls. But I’ve paid my penance. I’m done.

It’s a new stage of life called relaxation at the pool.

Soon my girls will be hormonal terrors who won’t want to spend time with me. They won’t even want me near the pool. I know this is normal tween/teen behavior. Developing their independence, blah, blah, blah.

But for now I will forge on, enjoying the summer breezes and laughter of kids at play. I’ll lather us up with sunscreen, lean back underneath a big umbrella, and open my book until I hear…

“Mom, I’m bored.”

This story was originally published May 25, 2015 at 10:13 AM with the headline "Stacey Hatton: Relaxing poolside? Enjoy it while you can."