If my brain’s a computer, I’m in need of a reboot

In my youth I had no problem remembering things. I knew that every day after recess I could get a drink of water right after the class trip to the bathroom. Studying for tests was easy; I knew every kid’s name in my class; and in 0.23 seconds I could spout out which Girl Scout cookie was my favorite.

Yet over the years, my timing and efficiency have been going downhill. The expressions Momnesia, aging mind, or killed-too-many-brain-cells-in-college are definitely part of the equation. But I think there’s more to it.

As an adult who substantially changed her career three times, I know my mind is full. My brain was first filled with lines from play scripts and musicals, words to every song I performed, and important people and works of art in the entertainment industry.

Then I went to nursing school. Let me tell you, by the second semester my brain was at full capacity. Something had to give. Memorizing every part of the human body and understanding the mechanics of it was enough for a young, fresh brain to handle. But I was not young and was lacking in the fresh brain cell department.

Now that I’ve been working as a writer for the past six years, I’m maxed out. I can make it to the coffeepot in the morning, but I rarely call my own children by their right names and never know what’s on the family calendar for the day.

According to a study that I don’t have the brainpower or energy to understand, we supposedly use only 10 percent of our brains. But whoever is the senior level person in my division, I’m begging for the access code to unlock the other 90, so that one day I won’t be searching for another word for “sea monkey” and implode upon my laptop.

So sad about that writer gal. I heard she was struggling for another word for brine shrimp and the next thing you know, her head fell off!

The human body can easily be compared to a computer. The heart is the motherboard, your nervous system is the power source with pathways delivering energy, the liver is your trash can or a dumping ground for waste, and the outbox is …well, you get it.

The brain, however, is comparable to the Central Processing Unit of a computer. It controls everything regarding long-term memory. Once this is full, your computer becomes slow, sluggish or freezes. Sound familiar?

Try to add another drop of water into a fully soaked sponge. It’s not going to happen. Once it’s maxed out, no more new information can enter.

So do we buy another memory card? Do we need to reboot to shock our brains back into tiptop shape? Or do we need to go through our files and delete the unimportant stuff?

I would personally like to delete some memories from my head, but unfortunately I don’t have the control to pick and choose what sticks in there or is thrown into the trash can.

So now I’m a hoarder of thoughts and facts. Always trying to save more information than I am accessed to hold. I need a good spring cleaning to free up some room and hang an air freshener to get rid of the bad stuff.

I would like to pitch a reality television show, based on TLC’s “Clean Sweep” program. Psychologists would be there to help folks move the excess information in their brains into piles of “trash it,” “sell it,” or “blog about it.” Maybe by doing a deep cleaning of our memory banks, we could have the freedom to start over with a fresh outlook on life.

Please don’t ask me to write the script for this show. I’ll have to delegate this one out. I’m already booked solid.

This story was originally published April 14, 2015 at 6:08 PM with the headline "If my brain’s a computer, I’m in need of a reboot."