Denise Snodell: Women of a certain age often don the cloak of invisibility

Never thought I’d ever say I was blown away by an insurance commercial. Then Mindy Kaling came along. The actress/writer/producer nailed it as “Invisible Mindy” in a spot that premiered last month. Perhaps you didn’t see it.

The Nationwide ad tells the quick story about how day-to-day life snubs convince Kaling she might really be invisible to others. She tests her hypothesis by doing things like showering carless in a carwash, gorging on unpurchased ice cream in the frozen food aisle, and sunning topless in a park. Her antics escalate without repercussions, for the most part. She must be invisible.

For me, Kaling’s 30-second character was highly visible. And even though this ad might already be considered old if you carbon-14 pop culture life cycles, I find it unforgettable. Lately, my own invisible moments have been occurring with more frequency. I have a theory about that. First, let me give several true examples of what’s been happening:

▪ Legally crossing a busy suburban intersection on foot and almost getting sideswiped by cars. This happens often, even with the pedestrian logo blinking like a Vegas sign and many countdown seconds left. Trust me on this — watch out. (But maybe it’s just me.)

▪ Roaming a car dealership, only to be ignored by salespeople. This occurs when I’m solo. If my husband is present — different story. When he’s by my side in the showroom, I’m more noticeable than a naked, drunk A-list celebrity dancing through the TMZ newsroom.

▪ Ordering beverages and being forgotten. This parching has happened twice at one of those dine-in movie theaters. Twice. (I was with my sidekick, see above, but I was the only one who ordered.)

▪ Being called Debra, Donna, Doris or “Hey There.”

▪ Feeling the swish of air in a frou-frou store as a salesperson blows past me. I could be ready to drop some cash, but too many times the retailer chases down the younger customer who walks in behind me. I usually leave the shop empty-handed, and I take my good credit score with me.

My theory? Maybe I’m wrong, but here it goes: I’m a woman of a certain age. A mom who has just launched her kids to the world and who now appears in places without a young, rambunctious posse. I’m a person in that uncharted territory somewhere between PTO fundraisers and knee replacements.

Yes. I think I have quietly slipped out of a demographic that attracts the attention of others: The busy free spender! The Linked In Influencer! The up and coming socialite, mega-blogger, Twitter Famous, Kardashian-y, Pinteresting, plunging neckline double-stick-tape-on-the-cleavage It Person!

What works against me, too, is I’m not bling-y. I prefer to wear classic black clothes with simple lines. Minimal jewelry. Maybe I resemble a living J. Peterman catalog sketch. Or a strict ballet teacher from Eastern Europe who quietly whisks between crowds and barking dogs. That’s the look I go for. But I’ve always been this way.

In the big picture, invisibility might be small potatoes. Aside from intersection dangers and movie theater dehydration, there are advantages to not being seen. I have decided to embrace this — Kaling style. If I spot lipstick on my teeth AFTER mingling in public, I just shrug and leave it there. If I slip on a wet tile floor — my signature move — I don’t feel humiliated. At Costco, I can circle a sample station five times, grab candy five times and no one says a thing. It’s like the movie “Fifty First Dates.”

“Hello! Try some dark chocolate acai berries today!”

Grab sample. Walk a 15-second loop, hear same spiel, repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. A joyful bounty and currently my way of “leaning in.”

The shame is, “women of a certain age” are often the ones with the most experience, intuition and energy. We’ve known disappointment and sacrifice. We’ve quietly and often loudly made things happen, usually for the benefit of others. Don’t underestimate that lady in “mom jeans.” See her. She might share wisdom and free chocolate with you.

This story was originally published March 10, 2015 at 6:17 PM with the headline "Denise Snodell: Women of a certain age often don the cloak of invisibility."