In the land of swagger, dragons and manly courage, there lurks .... deodorant

If you ever feel like getting lost in a world of adventure, with places of mythical creatures and earthly battles calling for pure muscle and masculine grit, look no further than the men’s deodorant aisle in Target.

Not long ago I was gliding my red plastic cart along the fluorescent-soaked personal care shelves when a label for the most otherwise mundane product caught my eye. It might have been Old Spice’s “Dragonblast” scent, or it could have been Duke Cannon’s “Trench Warfare” line that made me stop in my tracks and think, “wut?”

As with many trends in this world, I think humanity has gone too far. Gender stereotypes often make zero sense and I don’t want to go too deep with this. But I wonder if, through a 1950’s lens, the feminine counterpart to “Dragonblast” deodorant would be named “Creme Brulee Torch” spray. Doesn’t seem to work.

As a former advertising copywriter, I get it. Companies must distinguish their brands. They have to stand out and grab consumers’ attention. But assuming men want to smear their armpits with something called Dragonblast is, well, kinda kooky.

After that store visit I realized I wanted to know more. I took an intense internet dive on shopping websites. I could not have been more entertained with the actual names of deodorant lines and scents for men, because I’d never realized the nomenclature went way beyond the already eye-roll-inducing “sport” and “cool” formulas.

Here’s a partial list of some manly deodorant scents, with most credit going to the extensive Old Spice lines:

Volcano

Arctic Edge

Steel Courage

Wolfthorn

Swagger

Stronger Swagger

Mountain Peak

Bearglove

Xtreme Defense

Krakengard

Victory & Lemon (We couldn’t just have lemon, could we?)

I discovered one hip line that was almost refreshing. Schmidt’s Here + Now Natural Deodorant offers advice on the label: “Be Kind. Stress Less. Hug More.” But they blow all of their attempted mindfulness by adding “with activated charcoal” at the bottom of the label. In one desperate gasp, these words nudge our imaginations to lighter fluid exploding over a Charbroil grill, perhaps at a tailgate party.

Other mainstream brands, despite their “Game of Thrones”-y scents, include deodorants for “sensitive” skin. This is where the marketers have dropped the ball. The labels, otherwise dripping with flaming testosterone, could have introduced a new term addressing the allergy prone: “For Reactive Skin.” Or, “Formulated for Eruptive Derma.” Even, “Rash Blaster.”

And now that this free advice is out, I expect the consumer products industry to soon hire me as a top-notch consultant. That’s when I, in a fit of greed to create new market demand, would attend my first corporate meeting and ponder aloud, “Why is only deodorant skewed to such hyper masculine stereotypes? Laundry detergent, which is a cleaning agent and also mostly scented, is currently gender neutral. As are toothpaste and hand soap. Opportunity knocks, folks.”

Just picture these same deodorant manufacturers brainstorming the manliest toilet tissue branding for men: “Desert Sandpaper” “Drop Cloth” “Leather Bolt” “Two-Plywood.”

Maybe my imagination has gone too far, way beyond the Rugged Coast and deep into the Wilderness, which also happen to be real deodorant scents. But hasn’t this exploration, born in a suburban Target aisle, been a welcome momentary distraction? Sometimes it feels good to sweat the small stuff.

This story was originally published February 9, 2021 at 5:00 AM with the headline "In the land of swagger, dragons and manly courage, there lurks .... deodorant."