‘Families are made as much as they’re born.’ In good or bad times, more can be better

The luckiest kid I ever knew called my folks Mom and Dad. Deepu wasn’t technically my brother, but he sort of got grandfathered in because of all the of time he and his brothers spent at our house, and we at their house.

Depending on the house we were at, we’d all fill up on my mom’s Mexican cooking or their mom’s Indian dishes, and generally take over whichever home we were at.

You’re there for family. Sometimes it’s because you’re pulled by love and sometimes because you’re reluctantly pushed along by something less noble, like an aversion to getting yelled at.

That’s how it was for us older kids when it came to Deep. Refusing to let him tag along whenever he wanted brought a world-class parental scolding every time. Looking back, I suspect his mom may have simply done the math about how much harder it is for a car full of teenagers to get into any real trouble when there’s also an annoying, elementary-age kid squeezed in there.

It was bad enough having to factor this little boy into so many plans during our high school years, but what earned him the title of world’s luckiest kid in my book was the time that one of his brothers and I had to actually drop our own plans so we could put his into action.

It started when he suddenly appeared at his brother Dave’s bedroom door and spoke like he was issuing a royal decree: “Take me to Disneyland.”

Even accounting for the fact that we were only about a half-hour away from the Disneyland, the place was still a rare treat. It was a ridiculous order, and we let him know.

What we had forgotten, though, was that what would be ridiculous coming from most people was seen by adults as perfectly reasonable when it came from this beloved baby of the family, who had utterly mastered the art of charm. I mean, when you’ve managed to get away with riding a dirt bike up from a dusty backyard and clear through a beautiful living room without getting grounded, which this supremely charismatic kid had, getting chauffeured to an amusement park was, literally, child’s play.

Minutes after Dave and I laughed the kid out of the room the charmed boy’s mom showed up hollering in Hindi. And minutes after that, one happy boy and two miserable ones were on the road to Disneyland.

So yeah, lucky kid.

But, annoying as he could be, Deep was part of the bargain when our families essentially adopted each other, and like it or not, you’re there when family needs you.

After high school, his two big brothers, my brother and I moved away one by one. Left to find his own way to Disneyland, Deep eventually scored not only a driver’s license and his own car, but also a job earning gas money in the stroller rental booth right on the grounds of the Happiest Place on Earth.

The kid’s luck seemed endless.

Lately, we four big brothers have been reminding each other of those old stories and the countless others where Deep came out as the smiling hero, because his luck finally failed him. A little before Thanksgiving and just a few days ahead of his 44th birthday, Daniel “Deepu” Paul went into the hospital with COVID-19. A week before Christmas, he died.

Those he left are weighted down by grief, but we’re doing our best to pull each other up. There’s laughter along with weeping when we share our memories, and the ratio slowly improves as the weeks roll on.

And with the tears drying a little, I see something. Deep’s luck wasn’t his own little pool that evaporated on him. It’s a sea of luck that we all shared with him when the Pauls and the Espinozas ended up in the same little town and made room to call each other family.

His part has just drained into ours. We’ll feel it as long as we remember that families are made as much as they’re born, and that extending them means there are more people we can count on to always be there for us — when we’re charming, when we’re annoying, and even when those around us are hard-pressed to tell the difference.

Richard Espinoza is a former editor of the Johnson County Neighborhood News. You can reach him at respinozakc@yahoo.com. And follow him on Twitter at @respinozakc.

This story was originally published January 26, 2021 at 5:00 AM with the headline "‘Families are made as much as they’re born.’ In good or bad times, more can be better."