The biggest lesson our kids can learn: To be self-motivated and look out for society

I hear a lot of voices of fretting people who are saying some version of, “But the children: They’re not learning.”

It’s true that the education system is in turmoil and many kids are struggling. Parents, too, are feeling the strain, now bearing an unexpected load of their kids’ educations. Teachers and schools bear the brunt of the burden, juggling their passion for education, fielding community pressures and personal safety concerns, while trying to reinvent the construct of brick and mortar schools.

The situation is less than ideal. Measures forced by circumstance are rarely ideal and tend to be riddled with hiccups and missteps. But this isn’t a simple crisis management exercise. As an added layer, there’s a baffling disconnect on what the crisis even is.

It’s as if coronavirus particles were microscopic, mighty invaders with an agenda to destroy humankind. And although most people agree that destruction is underway, the hows of that destruction are under dispute. Some believe the virus is crushing us through illness and death, creating long-range health issues, destroying jobs, and health systems collapsing in the struggle to keep up. Others believe the virus is decimating society by forcing people to wear masks, avoid crowds and use good hygiene.

But surely you don’t believe that the kids aren’t learning? I mean, is it even possible for kids to stop learning? They’re information sponges, developmentally programmed to absorb information and experience in preparation for adulthood. They mop up lessons wherever they go.

The real question is, “What are the kids learning?”

My two high school students are both doing pretty well in their classes. We opted for the remote-only option, which has been a good choice. They have structured classes daily, and I feel fortunate that many of their teachers are repeats, so we already know them.

At the beginning of the school year, my husband and I set an expectation that our kids keep up with their grades. We would permit them to work wherever and however they want, unless their grades begin to suffer, at which point, we warned, we would have to supervise them as they worked.

Neither of the kids seemed to relish the idea of sitting next us to while they work, and truth be known, I didn’t really want the distraction of having them in the room with me while I worked.

And so, when they struggled, I merely required evidence of a grade-salvaging plan, and progress-reports on the effort. I advised them to bug their teachers until they heard back, explaining that an unanswered email was not an excuse for failure.

Their biggest challenges involved communication with their teachers and managing their work loads. When my daughter faced an actual academic challenge, stumbling on certain concepts in algebra, I offered to help. I was under no illusion that I would actually remember how to do algebra, but I assured her we could ask around and google our way to an answer.

But she is also adept at internet searches herself, and persisted in figuring it out herself. Initially, her efforts were primarily aimed at retaining the right to self-manage her schoolwork. But the harder she worked at it, the more intrinsic the rewards were.

All in all, my time investment in getting their grades up was minimal, consisting mostly of suggesting alternative communication methods and reminding them to use what resources were available.

What do kids learn when they hear adults arguing that schools are failing them right now? Do they absorb the notion that this form of school is too hard for them, or that there’s only one way to do things?

Might the child come to believe that catering to their personal success is more important than others’ safety, and that the world should bend to accommodate them? I truly hope that’s not what they’re learning.

Instead, this is an opportunity for them to learn that necessity is the mother of invention, and that society can come together and do something hard. Many will learn to problem-solve, self-manage, and to push through without their trusty herd.

Emily Parnell lives in Overland Park and can be reached at emily@empoweredcreatives.com

This story was originally published January 12, 2021 at 5:00 AM with the headline "The biggest lesson our kids can learn: To be self-motivated and look out for society."