In October, kids stumble through a labyrinth that’s sometimes a little overwhelming

2020 has felt like an obstacle course, with booby traps and frights at every turn. Halloween 2020 will be yet another puzzle to be solved while tripping through this tumultuous year — yet another grand life lesson in managing expectations.

But really, kids are probably ready for this. The hyped holiday has always been an obstacle course for the young, with tests of character at every twist. The usually clearly defined norms of appropriateness and behavior become blurred, with mixed messages and unusual expectations taking over, all in the name of fun.

The slow build to “go time” initiates with the sometimes agonizing task of committing to a costume. Options are less censored than usual, with kids able, and sometimes even encouraged, to explore the darker sides of their personalities.

The “What ifs?” are closer to their grasp than at any other time. What if I was a rabbit? Or if I could fly? What if I could skip the next 20 years and I was now a doctor? Or even more intriguing, an evil doctor covered in the blood of unsuspecting victims? Or what if I was the Grim Reaper himself?

Loving parents help their kids achieve their spooky aspirations, and then, for one night, the child can try on a different skin, some even imagining that they’ve actually become someone or something else.

For the month of October, they stumble through the labyrinth. Everyone everywhere is operating outside the norms. Appropriateness and friendliness are replaced by horror, gore and intimidation. Familiar streets take on a hodgepodge of genres. Some are decorated with friendly, glowing jack-o’-lanterns, while others become spooky cemeteries with ghosts rising from graves and motion detectors setting off unexpected cackling and screams.

Mundane places of business transform, posting lifelike statues of skeletons and witches to greet all who dare enter.

On the day of Halloween, teachers and administrators throw up their hands, understanding that it will not be a day of much learning.

The excitement builds, pressuring kids at the seams, in anticipation of a night of spooky adventure and candy collection. And the night of actual trick-or-treating puts kids’ character through the fire. Are they brave enough to ring the doorbell? Do they speak loud enough for their “trick-or-treat” to be heard? Can they look an adult they’ve never met, who may be dressed to scare — or even worse, grumpy — in the eye? Will they remember to say thank you?

Not all kids easily hurdle the obstacles.

Some take their method acting too far, taking a little too much delight in scaring those around them. Others are overtaken by the sugar and late-evening activity. Timid kids are frightened, with frightening thoughts swirling through their little minds.

Their emotions swirl out of control, their anticipation becomes too much, and many find themselves in trouble with their parents on what should be their night of fun. The screeches become real, and the tears and frustration can take over. They’ve tried so hard to have fun that the fun has been lost.

I remember one year as a kid when it rained buckets on Halloween night, and we didn’t get to trick-or-treat. There were no trunk-or-treats, no malls passing out candy, no online group to “reschedule” the day. It simply didn’t happen.

This year is different. Schools can’t pack their gyms full of kids in costumes. Families may, or may not, trick-or-treat.

It turns out that our traditions aren’t as permanent as we thought. And it’s up to the adults to show the kids how to navigate. We can show kids how to say “thank you” to the person wearing a mask to keep us safe. We can seek truth despite receiving mixed messages. We can find joy, despite cancellations. We can face unemployment with determination, flexibility and bravery. We can ask for help when we need it.

And if all else fails, we can sit down and eat all the Halloween chocolate.

Emily Parnell lives in Overland Park and can be reached at emily@emilyjparnell.com.

This story was originally published October 20, 2020 at 5:00 AM with the headline "In October, kids stumble through a labyrinth that’s sometimes a little overwhelming."