To smudge or not to smudge? Sage advice was needed

I would like to first thank all the readers who took time to contact me regarding my recent smudging adventure. It’s amazes me so many folks have time to worry about my family and educate me on how I can avoid going to hell for eternity. But don’t you worry: Jesus and I are on great terms. Plus, I hate the heat.

After I wrote about my first smudging experience last month, I intended to do a follow up; but with summer vacationing with family and answering every email from readers, little time was left to properly sum up my unique experience. The time has now come…

Within a few days after my column was published, my air conditioning went out, but I had not yet performed the smudging. Was this our house spirit giving us a sign or worse, warning? Our AC was only 6 years old and we didn’t get the cheapest one off the back of a truck down by the river. So after “rebooting” the inside switch thingy and flipping off and on the breaker, everything started humming again and all was cool. Girl power!

However, several days later it happened again. This time it was in the early evening and I didn’t want to pay after-hours charges. So we cranked up the ceiling fans and I wrapped an ice pack around my neck to handle the heat. Yes, I think outside the box from time to time, but at least I was comfortable.

The following morning, I had my “guy” come out to fix the unit. That’s Johnson County housewife lingo for anyone who’s hired to work on your house.

Several hours later my guy had it up and working, but at this point I didn’t think the AC shutdown was related to spirits.

When the AC stopped again I finally decided to try the waving of sage. Now we have lived in our home for six years. During that time, two cats and a daughter bounced off the fourth step to break different bones. I never found it appropriate to share my worries of our ghost with my children. Why get them all spooked?

So in order to perform my smudging ritual, I studied the ceremony and asked dear friends who had done it before how to implement the steps correctly. If I was going to do this, I needed to make sure once was enough.

Sending my daughters to the neighbors, I began praying over a candle, politely asking God to usher our uninvited house guest to leave. Then I gingerly lit the sage with the ceremonial candle.

Fire! Fire!! How am I to get the sage to burn and only produce smoke? This wasn’t in the directions!

Thankfully, I’ve blown out a few candles before, so with one big puff I returned to my task and dialed back my anxious energy to my peaceful and loving place. While I covered every inch of the house’s interior, and praying and fanning smoke out the windows, my mind would occasionally wander.

What are the neighbors going to think is billowing out our windows? Not everyone is familiar with the smell of sage. Just my luck and the police would be called!

I completed the indoor ceremony, with extra time spent on the fourth stair; but couldn’t remember if I was to do the perimeter of our house too.

As I said, I was going to only do this once, so I needed to be thorough. Outside I went in my pajamas, sunglasses and flip-flops, with my wand of smoking sage.

Now some neighbor is definitely going to bust me. I won’t have a ghost in our house, but I’ll be moving in the county jail!

As I ducked under my neighbor’s window (the one who had invited my girls over), I tried to make myself invisible. My daughters already think I’m crazy, but I didn’t need them thinking I do drugs while they’re at play dates.

With one quick swoop around the yard, I ran inside, praying my ceremony was affective and that I wouldn’t soon hear sirens coming our way.

Since that day, no one has fallen down the stairs. I’d like to say the air conditioner worked perfectly too; but alas, no ghosts were messing with our thermostat. The AC broke down the next day and instead of praying over a cloud of smelly smoke, I prayed that my new guy could swiftly fix it.

Thank the heavens above he did because I really don’t like the heat!

This story was originally published July 27, 2017 at 2:19 PM with the headline "To smudge or not to smudge? Sage advice was needed."