After asking this question, she figures her stupidity is now bulletproof

It seems logical that as you get older, fewer things in life will surprise you. It’s the whole been there, done that scenario. But I guess I’m an anomaly because I feel like I’m surprised almost daily and it’s usually by really stupid stuff.

Which has me asking myself, “Am I stupid?” Would that explain my ability to be continually surprised? Let’s table that question for now and move on to something much more scintillating: a story that registers a WTH? on the surprise meter. (For inquiring minds a surprise meter starts with a huh? and ends with a WTH?)

My tale begins at a grocery store. The produce section to be exact, where I saw a young mother wearing a bulletproof vest. She had two kids in her cart. To say I was surprised would be the hugest of understatements.

I had so many questions. Of course, the big one was — why? The second was, what does she know that I don’t — and then I landed on, if the mom thinks the grocery store is dangerous why did she bring her kids? Interspersed between all these thoughts was that she might just be crazy.

I must admit to giving this woman a wide berth in the apple aisle and sending her some side-eye as I reached for a honey crisp.

Then the very next day I saw two women running and they were both wearing bulletproof vests. Oh my God, what was happening? Was there a crime wave I was woefully ignorant about? Or was I experiencing the frequency illusion, where you start noticing something more often after you become aware of it.

When I saw a woman at the eye doctor — yes, a woman at the eye doctor — in a bulletproof vest, I entered the really-freaked-out zone. It was right then and there that I knew it was time for some deep research.

I immediately called my daughter, who lives on the West Coast. I wanted to know if this was just happening in Kansas City or was California also rife with women in bulletproof vests?

It took her less than 20 seconds to figure out what was going on. She told me while howling, as in she was having problems catching her breath, that the women were wearing weighted workout vests.

“It’s the new thing Mom. It helps with cardio and a bunch of other stuff.”

“But in the grocery store?” I asked because I wasn’t sure I was buying the whole weighted vest thing.

“Yes, Mom,” she said, still laughing. “You can wear it all day. Just like you can do with ankle or wrist weights.”

Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking. It’s that we need to circle back to the stupid question that was tabled a couple of paragraphs ago because you would like to answer it with a great big yes.

But to that I say, not so fast, because a weighted vest looks a lot like a bulletproof vest. Most especially if you’re me and know exactly nothing about bulletproof vests and — coincidentally, it seems — weighted vests.

The only saving grace to this story is that I never, thank God, asked any of these women why they were wearing bulletproof vests. Can you imagine their response? I can and it begins with someone calling 911 to report an unhinged, confused older woman.

Seriously, if I had asked that mom in the grocery store why she had on a bulletproof vest, the embarrassment for me would be so profound I would have to move at least two states away.

The real surprise though is that now I think I really want a weighted vest.

Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs @snarkynsuburbs, on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.