Call her cold-hearted, but she must say: KC’s extended summer season needs to chill

It’s getting warmer out, which most people are exceedingly happy about. Meanwhile, I’m experiencing pre-summer anxiety.

Mainly because I have a problem with being hot. The thought of spending months on end in the sweltering heat is very unsettling for me. I used to be able to suck it up and just grind through June, July and August, knowing that my salvation would arrive in September. But now summer lingers like a house guest who won’t leave. Last September we had multiple days that were in the 90s. In October, almost a third of the days were in the 80s. I’m sweating just thinking about it.

Now, I know I’m in the minority, because loads of people love warm weather. But having to use clinical strength deodorant and SPF 70 sunscreen for six months out of the year seems excessive.

Especially because I live in Kansas and I believe it’s our right — maybe even written somewhere in the state constitution — that we get four seasons and are guaranteed a glorious fall.

Fall is important. You suffer through the summer so you can embrace a bucolic autumn in sweaters and hoodies. Is it wrong that I’m peeved that summer has robbed me of my autumnal joy?

As for all the hot weather lovers, I just don’t get it. You live in the Midwest, which means you’re supposed to be OK, or at least have made some kind of peace, with being cold. To complain about winter is odd to me. It would be like a Floridian griping about the heat and humidity. It comes with your address.

I’m also always amazed about the number of people who think living in a warm climate is ideal and all of us who experience four seasons are suckers.

Every home/design magazine in December usually highlights a Christmas by the pool where the homeowner being interviewed irritatingly boasts/flexes that Christmas morning starts with a swim and then opening presents.

What fresh hell is that? Who wants Christmas by the pool? Christmas is supposed to be cold and cozy, not full of chlorine and Coppertone. I don’t care that you had a seashell Christmas tree, it’s still sad.

Another thing that irks me (yes, there’s more) is that summer is not content with usurping fall: It’s now bullying spring. In the past several years we’ve had mini springs. It seems like we go from winter to the merest wisp of spring and then are aggressively thrown into the inferno that is summer.

One minute you’re wearing boots, the next it’s flip-flops. You don’t get two or three months of a light jacket while admiring your tulips that you planted in the fall. Nope, summer just swagger walks its way into spring and takes over.

As a summer hater, this is detrimental. I need to ease into summer. I can’t just go from cold to hot. My psyche requires a gentle slide into 90-degree weather.

This is because spring is where I do a lot of positive affirmation and hype myself up that I can make it through summer. It’s also where I pray over our air conditioning unit and make sacrifices to the AC gods in an attempt to ensure that it lasts through the summer and fall.

I know I’m whining, but sadly for all of us, especially my husband, I’m just getting started. The heat makes me short-tempered and grouchy and I feel better when I share these emotions.

So, I’m apologizing in advance for what are sure to be many more rants — but is it really my fault? No, all the blame goes to summer.

Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs @snarkynsuburbs, on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.

This story was originally published March 19, 2025 at 5:00 AM.