How best to say ‘I love you’? A new set of tires would be a grand, practical gesture

Am I the only one who thinks romance is overrated?

I know it’s bold for me to share that thought because some people might think I’m throwing my husband under the bus. The argument could be made that I just declared that he’s unromantic.

He is, in fact, solidly unromantic — and so am I. So consider us a perfect match.

I sometimes wonder if my husband perhaps once had a romantic soul, and I squashed it by favoring practicality over romantic gestures. But then I remembered that when we were dating he gave me a dish towel (it did have hearts on it) for Valentine’s Day and I think that proves I squashed nothing.

Any lovey-dovey hullabaloo makes me exceedingly uncomfortable. If my husband had a hundred roses delivered to our home, my immediate thought would be wow, that’s a whole lot of money spent on flowers. How exceedingly odd.

That thought would be followed by me questioning if I’m OK. Could I be dying? Because I can fathom no other reason why he would resort to such an expensive gesture when new tires from Costco would have been much more appreciated.

I also believe that needing or liking overt romantic gestures might be inherited. I think you would require a role model to set up those expectations. I was raised by parents who were born during the Depression. Practicality was in their blood.

A woman who rinsed out Ziploc bags and reused them is not going swoon over cut flowers. What made my mother weak in the knees was a new Lady Kenmore dishwasher. The year was 1973, and when she got that dishwasher her joy knew no bounds.

I’m certain no piece of jewelry or cavalcade of flowers would have produced that level of happiness.

I also understand this level of elation. When I got a Dyson vacuum for Christmas a couple of years ago, I was ecstatic. I jumped up and down and might have gotten a little teary-eyed.

The way I see it, and I like to remind my husband of this daily, he hit the jackpot when he married me because I don’t even like jewelry. It makes me itch.

He usually then takes the opportunity to point out that I’m the one who hit the jackpot because he finds my complaining — which I have rebranded as “insights on the human condition” — humorous, at least on most days.

Another thing we both share is our “love language.” If you haven’t heard about the love language trend, it’s where people say what makes them happy in a relationship. There’s always someone on social media saying their “love language is gifts.”

OK, once you’ve said that, I know way too much about you and none of it’s good. I would say my husband and I have a love language of being low maintenance.

Lord, help me if I married someone who required all of my attention. Sure, I get it. I’m fabulous. Who could blame my husband if he wanted to be with me 24/7. (Just kidding ... sort of.) But everyone needs a life that’s not 100% spouse dependent.

Oh no, I just thought of something. What if my husband doesn’t think I’m low maintenance? I’m just guessing he thinks I’m low maintenance, but could I actually be high maintenance?

No, this can’t be. I refuse to even entertain that thought. But maybe my husband’s grand gesture is letting me believe I’m low maintenance.

If it is, that might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.

Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs @snarkynsuburbs, on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.

This story was originally published February 5, 2025 at 5:00 AM.