Grim reapers, psycho scarecrows and possessed clowns: She can do without them, thanks

I hate being scared. In fact, I don’t understand people who willingly seek out scenarios where they will be frightened.

Horror films? No thank you.

Paying money to go to a haunted attraction where people jump out at you or display creepy behaviors (man swallowing rats: I’m talking to you)? Hard pass.

Reading any genre of literature where the goal is to scar your psyche for years? Been there, done that and not doing it again. I read Stephen King’s “The Shining” when I was in high school and to this day I’m still terrified.

Though I abhor horror, I’m still pro Halloween. Jack-o’-lanterns, witches’ cauldron, candy corn, costumes: I’m all in. I guess you could say I like a cutesy Halloween.

But I think this puts me in the minority because Halloween has gotten gruesome, and that gruesome is extra-large. In fact, it’s so XL that it’s not just freaking me out, it has my dog spooked.

I’ve actually had to change the streets I walk my dog because the 12-foot-tall grim reapers, skeletons, psycho scarecrows and possessed clowns initiate a flight or fight response in my dog. She gets so crazy that I’m afraid I’m going to get a rope burn from her leash.

This mammoth and macabre decor is also stirring up some cul-de-sac drama. One neighbor’s 12-foot grim reaper is actually at eye level of the bedroom of their next-door neighbor’s child. As a result, the kid is too scared to go into his room.

It probably doesn’t help that the grim reaper comes with sound effects that include sighing and moaning, as well as the screeching of crows, cats and owls. So, not exactly what anyone would call a bedtime lullaby, unless you’re baby Dracula.

The response from the grim reaper neighbor has been what I’m going to call less than sympathetic. They told the concerned parents that they need to invest in black-out curtains and some noise-canceling headphones.

If I was a betting person, I would place money that this grim reaper might have seen its last Halloween. I’m not suggesting that anyone would vandalize it. I’m just saying perhaps the grim reaper will finally be laid to rest permanently.

According to the Bible, the grim reaper is destroyed by the “Lake of Fire that burns with sulfur.” Which in 2024 suburbia could mean that the HOA starts banning yard decor that looks into your neighbor’s windows.

HOA, sulfuric lake of fire: Same thing, right?

Another thing I don’t understand is why in 2024 anyone would want to add to the fright factor of daily living. Aren’t we already afraid and panic stricken? Do we really need to spend $400 on a 10-foot wailing phantom wrapped in “ghostly robes” with a lantern to “guide you to the afterlife?”

I’m thinking the answer is an emphatic no. If you want to get frightened, just ponder the presidential election. If that doesn’t do it for you, there’s always the new COVID variant to petrify you.

So, sigh, I guess a part of me can understand the yearning for an old-fashioned freak out. The classic horror movie, the animatronic grim reaper, even a guy outside a haunted house shoving baby rats into his mouth. It seems so innocent. A scare that hearkens back to much less tumultuous times.

Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs @snarkynsuburbs, on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and on TikTok @snarkyinthesuburbs and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.