‘Where to next, Debbie?’ An adventurous travel companion is a rare and treasured gift

On the first day of kindergarten, I became fast friends with a girl named Debbie. We were at each other’s houses so often during our formative years that we became family. She was my chosen family: a sister-friend.

We’re still chosen family, but Debbie and I have a whole other level of friendship: We can travel together. When we go places, there’s no drama, no compromises that leave us both grumpy, no lengthy discussions about where to eat or what activity takes precedence. We’re simply very practiced, very compatible traveling companions.

At 16, Debbie and I were exchange students in France and spent time in Paris together at the end of the semester. Every day, because no one was telling us not to, we ate baguettes and foie gras washed down with a bottle of white wine. We mastered the metro, got lost, figured out how to get unlost, went for ice cream with a group of German teenage boys and saw all the Parisian greatest hits: the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Tuileries Garden, all the bridges and the Latin Quarter.

We even raced through the Louvre on a hunt for the pieces of art that our teenage selves knew existed. Because we were young, broke, inexperienced travelers, we had a great time — but it was a time that was only great because we were young, broke and inexperienced.

After that trip, Debbie and traveled together a lot and visited each other’s out-of-state college campuses several times. Eventually, Debbie and I settled down to raise our own families and live our grown-up lives in different time zones, rarely seeing each other. But, we never, ever lost track of each other and we never stopped being family.

The pandemic hit at the same time all around the world, but all of us, everywhere, were at different places in our own lives when it did. Debbie and I were launching our children into their grown-up adventures and dipping our own toes into our empty-nest years. Like a lot of people, being told not to travel made us crave it. Like a lot of people, we made hypothetical plans for “afterward.”

A test —“Where to?” — would start a dream conversation between us, and while “afterward” still isn’t technically here, travel opened up and we decided to turn those dreams into reality.

Last year we celebrated a milestone birthday with a trip to Northern Ireland and Vienna, saw each other when I was on a family vacation near her, and last fall we went back to Paris as older, seasoned travelers with credit cards.

I have other wonderful, loving friendships, but I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be at ease traveling with most of them, and they wouldn’t enjoy it with me, either.

What Debbie and I have takes a special kind of compatibility: sleep, alone time, dining, tidiness, money and travel pace. You must share the same definition of “adventure” and understand each other’s introverted or extroverted qualities. You should enjoy some of the same things, but also have interests of your own to share.

Have I ever watched any John Wick movies? No. Was I fascinated by Debbie’s self-guided, John Wick movie locations in Paris tour? Absolutely. If I wasn’t with her, would she have gone to the Édith Piaf sing-along restaurant? Not a chance. Did she enjoy herself when we did? No one is more surprised than Debbie that the answer is yes.

With the new year, I was excited to plan another trip and texted Debbie, “Where to next?” But we’re back to hypothetical plans. We know that this year, life is going to get in the way, and that the memories of a lifetime of adventures will have to satisfy our wanderlust.

Oddly, that doesn’t make me sad. As a memory montage of our travels flips through my brain, it makes me glow with happiness for having experienced it and grateful for my own Debbie.

Susan is a Kansas City based writer and podcaster. She co-hosts the award-winning, long-running podcast, The History Chicks. She hopes you make plans with your own Debbie.