When she wants the truth and nothing but, here’s the person this mom relies on

Having a daughter, especially if that daughter is the Gen Z demographic, is not for the faint of heart. My experience is that these young women have no problem with expressing their honest opinion on just about everything.

I love this for a variety of reasons. Coming in at number one: It’s a time saver. There’s no dancing around. No indecision do-si-do. If you ask for their thoughts, they will respond and leave you with no question on where they stand on an issue as deep as climate change or as frivolous as why high-waisted jeans aren’t for you.

This is brilliant because back in my early 20s I was guarded on sharing any of my thoughts lest I offend someone. To be asked my opinion of something resulted in me stating some vague reply, like a politician who wants to curry favor with everyone.

It’s not that I didn’t have strong opinions — it was just that I was taught not to share them in “polite conversation.” I know some people probably wish we would hearken back to those days, but I’m celebrating that these young women feel no compulsion to tamp down their thoughts.

That said, this unbridled honesty can be hard to absorb — especially when the person dropping the truth bomb is your daughter. This is why when I ask her for her opinion, while I’ve fully prepped myself that her response might not be warm and fuzzy, I know it’s almost always exactly what I need to hear.

Sure, I could ask my husband to give me his honest opinion, but he’s more conditioned to give me a very measured response that’s more pro than con. That right there is probably why we’ve been married for almost 40 years.

As for asking my son: He’s way too smart to engage and usually responds with a very non-committal, “I don’t know, Mom. Ask Dad.”

So, for brutal honesty, all roads lead to my daughter. This is why when I wanted a candid, perhaps uncomfortable truth about a book I had just written, I sent it to her. And by “sent it” I mean it was snail mailed. Alas, although she grew up with a phone in her hand, she likes to read books on paper.

I thought she was kidding when she said, “mail it to me.” But she called herself old school when it comes to books. So, off I went my rough draft to California.

Her opinion is very much needed since this is a book I had to wait four years to write. It’s about dance moms — well, a killer dance mom — and I wanted my daughter well out of the competition dance milieu before I went deep on the topic.

It wasn’t easy to wait that long because every competition I went to for a solid decade had me saying, “I’m putting this crazy in a book someday.”

Well, that day has arrived, but my daughter’s critiques have not. I’m currently anxiously awaiting her “notes.” Apparently, there are lots of notes. When I asked her how voluminous those notes were she was vague, which now has me thinking I’m going to need to do a hefty re-write.

I’m now in a little bit of panic, but I have no one to blame but myself. Because I just learned that when you ask your daughter for the truth, you have to be prepared not only to accept it, but to wait for it.

The waiting is proving to be the hardest part.

Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs, on Twitter at @snarkynsuburbs on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.