Praise to the goddess of porcelain bowls. KCI’s impact measured by women’s bathroom

I had one of the last flights out of the old Kansas City International Airport. As I waited to board, I used that time to bid adieu to my nemesis: the egregious bathrooms in the terminal. Specifically, any of the women’s restrooms in the holding pen that was the Southwest gate area.

These restrooms were so bad that for years I restricted my fluid intake two hours before I left for the airport in an effort to not have to use any of these bathrooms. The main issue was always the lack of toilets.

The ladies room by Southwest Gate 39 had only two stalls. Two teeny-tiny, scary stalls. Now, I realize the former airport was built more than 50 years ago, but I don’t think that back in the day a woman’s bladder was somehow able to hold more liquid, thus negating the need for more toilets.

Which brings me to the question that has tormented my brain since I first flew into KCI more than a decade ago: How did anyone think that two stalls were going to be able to accommodate the bathroom needs of women (and their children) deplaning or waiting to board in that gate area?

Then there was this issue: I had been in nicer portable toilets. Are portable toilets usually beyond gross? Yes.

But you know what most portable toilets have? Doors that aren’t broken. For years the doors on these two toilets have been cracked, chipped and in some cases missing huge chunks. It’s as if some bathroom brawl occurred in 1987 and the doors stood as a testament to that throw-down. Every time I had to use this bathroom, I would wonder why the doors were never replaced, or at the very least had some Gorilla Glue used on them.

Now, as every Kansas City woman who has been in this bathroom knows, using the tragic two stall ladies’ room also required you to be a de facto member of the Chamber of Commerce. This is because people who are not from KC would be in shock and wee bit traumatized upon entering what at first glance did appear to be the lair of a serial killer.

This led to proud, caring Kansas Citians assuring visitors that the airport is not a reflection on the wonders that awaited them once they left the building, while also preparing them that stall doors probably aren’t going to lock and fingers crossed that there’s toilet paper.

This is why when I got off my Southwest flight at the new airport I was trembling with excitement. I made a beeline for the bathroom. It was all about the ladies’ rooms for me. Forget about the art or the new dining places. This $1.5 billion airport would be judged solely on the women’s restrooms.

I got emotional when I saw that there was a large entry area with a sign telling you how many toilets were in use. And praise to the goddess of porcelain bowls, there were more than two stalls. In fact, the number of toilets was in the double digits. At this point I needed a tissue to wipe my eyes because my joy was that overwhelming.

I was not alone in that level of jubilation. The room was filled with people rejoicing over the fact that the women of Kansas City and beyond now have airport restrooms that acknowledge we have active bladders.

On top of that it was beautiful. With zero exaggeration I can say that women were hugging each other — or maybe I was doing all the hugging. But I was getting enthusiastically hugged back.

You did good Kansas City, you did good.

Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs, on Twitter at @snarkynsuburbs on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.