The right to bare arms: Missouri legislature is oddly fixated on dress code for women

Over the past several years, I’ve found that when I’m reading the news I have to sometimes stop to check the date of the article to make sure I haven’t stumbled upon a vintage story or that I’m not mistakenly looking at The Onion — a satirical news site.

This was the case a couple of weeks ago when I read that the Missouri legislature had adopted a stricter dress code for female legislators. The new code required that women must wear a blazer or cardigan on the House floor. Wait, I thought — this can’t be for real. No way were women’s arms being subjected to legislative oversight.

But I quickly found out that it was, indeed, for real and the rule was proposed by a female legislator. Sadly, this didn’t surprise me at all. History is packed with women who have an ardent zeal in going against their own best interests.

The whole arm cover-up is beyond ludicrous. With the many problems facing the state of Missouri, the fact that to sleeve or not to sleeve was how they chose to kick off the legislative session lets you know right away how things are going to go. Spoiler alert: probably not great for women.

Then there’s the very real fact that in the women’s fashion industry, sleeves are not in style. I would go so far as to say the industry is very anti-sleeve. I know this because as a woman who’s had a very conflicted relationship with her upper arms and who personally prefers a sleeve, finding a dress with even a short sleeve presents a difficulty.

Exhibit A for this would be every single female anchor on TV. It doesn’t matter if it’s 2 degrees outside, these brave women are forced to go sleeveless in the studio because it’s next to impossible to find a work dress that has even the hint of a sleeve. Good luck even locating a cap sleeve because it’s a sleeve-free world out there in women’s professional business attire.

But now, thanks to male and female members of the Missouri House who felt the need to appoint themselves members of the fashion police (and who also apparently get a case of the vapors to the point of swooning upon seeing an unclothed female arm), the cardigan and blazer are going to have a comeback in the Missouri House.

I’m not one to start rumors, but has anyone checked to see if some legislators are getting kickbacks from blazer or cardigan lobbying groups? Think about it: When was the last time women’s blazers and cardigans have gotten this much mainstream press?

Enterprising designers are already taking advantage of this cover-up opportunity by creating the clear plastic blazer where the arms are technically covered but are still visible. I’m sure there are already back-room meetings in the Missouri capitol where cardigan-clad representatives are laboriously toiling over writing a new rule to outlaw the see-through blazer or any other fashion accoutrement, garment or attire that isn’t made of a woven textile free of clear polymers.

Because really, who can spare the time or emotional investment into caring about pressing issues like education and teacher pay when there’s a woman on the house floor with her left elbow visible? Oh no, someone better grab the smelling salts because a female bicep has just been spotted near the senate dais.

In fact, I think a lot of us might be feeling faint at the audacity of the Missouri legislature to use a dress code “update” to control yet another part of the female anatomy.

Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs, on Twitter at @snarkynsuburbs on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.