Inside KC event reinventing queer dating & community: ‘Truly making connections’
By the time the basement level of Parlor fills on a Thursday evening, the crowd already knows what to expect.
Singles, couples, allies and friends gather around tables as presenters make final adjustments to PowerPoint slides and notes. The atmosphere resembles a game show as much as a dating event, with laughter, applause and anticipation filling the room before the first pitch even begins.
When the lights dim and the presentations start, attendees take the stage not to promote a business or product, but to advocate for someone they care about. Friends, siblings and even parents stand before a crowd of more than 100 people to explain why their favorite person deserves a chance at connection.
The event, called Where To Find Us, has become one of Kansas City’s most unique LGBTQIA+ gatherings. Founded by Tiffany Watts and Lo Cohen, the event combines matchmaking, community-building and entertainment into a single evening designed to help queer people build relationships in a city that many attendees describe as challenging to navigate when it comes to dating.
Some members of the LGBTQ+ community in the metro feel they face additional hurdles in the dating scene with a smaller dating pool to choose from. Between a few bars and apps, many begin to see the same faces constantly and are seeking something new.
Throughout the night, presenters use stories, jokes, photos, music and themed slideshows to introduce a single friend. Audience members cheer, laugh and occasionally wipe away tears as people publicly celebrate those closest to them. Between presentations, performers take the stage, vendors line the venue and attendees mingle with others wearing color-coded wristbands indicating whether they are single, partnered or open to connection.
A different way to date
For Watts and Cohen, the event grew out of friendship before it became a business.
The two met at a queer event in Kansas City shortly after Cohen had moved from California. Their immediate connection led to trips together, long conversations and eventually discussions about creating something for the community. While exploring different ideas, both happened to discover videos of a similar matchmaking concept online and independently shared it with one another.
“We both sent it around the same time,” Cohen said. “We were like, ‘Oh, that’s the one. That’s the one.’”
The pair began building the event from the ground up, first testing the idea through social media and community outreach. They spent time talking with queer singles throughout Kansas City and asking how they would feel about attending an event where friends pitched one another for dates.
The response was immediate. Their first social media posts generated significant engagement, giving them confidence that they had identified a need that was not being met elsewhere in the city.
The concept itself is intentionally different from traditional dating apps and speed-dating events. Instead of asking singles to market themselves, the responsibility falls on friends and loved ones who know them best.
Watts said the structure helps remove pressure from people who may feel uncomfortable introducing themselves to a room full of strangers.
“Your friend gets on stage, and they’re saying all these beautiful things about you, and they’re really hyping you up,” Watts said. “It’s a really beautiful feeling. A lot of times it’s exactly what you need, especially when you’ve been single and looking for a while.”
The approach also changes how attendees learn about potential matches. Rather than relying on carefully curated online profiles, audience members hear firsthand stories from people who already know the person being pitched.
Friends make the pitch
For Leslie Ramirez, the format was what initially drew her to the event.
Ramirez, who identifies as bisexual, first discovered Where To Find Us through social media. She said the concept stood out because it offered something she had not seen elsewhere in Kansas City.
“It was just something that I hadn’t seen here in Kansas City,” Ramirez said. “It definitely drew a lot of curiosity. Seeing something outside of the normal LGBT-plus events, I think that’s what really drew me to it.”
Since attending, Ramirez has pitched multiple friends and has become one of the event’s regular participants.
She said the presentations provide opportunities to showcase details about friends that might never appear on a dating profile. In one pitch, she used a music theme, transforming photos into album covers inspired by artists her friend enjoyed. In another, she incorporated memes and inside jokes to communicate personality traits that would have been difficult to explain through words alone.
The result, she said, is a more authentic introduction.
“I love when you can get the humor of that type of person through a presentation,” Ramirez said. “When my friends send me memes that they like and stuff like that and I was able to put it on the presentation, I think that speaks a lot more than probably what I can say verbally.”
Building community beyond romance
The event’s atmosphere also plays a significant role in its success.
Unlike traditional nightlife settings, Where To Find Us was designed to create an environment where attendees feel comfortable approaching new people. People either register online for $15 or pay at the door where wristbands are provided that identify relationship status, reducing uncertainty and helping attendees understand who may be interested in conversation.
Watts said organizers intentionally eliminate many of the barriers that often make meeting people difficult.
Attendees are encouraged to bring a wing person, and organizers frequently help introduce people who are too nervous to make the first move themselves. Non-alcoholic options are available alongside traditional drinks, and performances throughout the night create opportunities for attendees to relax and enjoy themselves.
“We just don’t have enough safe queer spaces,” Watts said. “It was important for us to create a space for queer singles, but even more important to create a safe space.”
That emphasis on safety and belonging extends beyond dating.
Both founders repeatedly describe the usually monthly event as a community-building effort as much as a matchmaking one. While relationships have formed through the gatherings, many attendees say friendships have become equally important outcomes.
Cohen believes friendship is one of the most overlooked aspects of modern social life.
“We don’t celebrate friendship very much,” she said.
That philosophy is visible throughout the event. Friends publicly advocate for one another. Audience members cheer for complete strangers. New attendees are welcomed into conversations and introduced to others with similar interests.
According to Cohen, some attendees who initially came looking for dates have instead found support systems and social circles that helped them establish roots within Kansas City’s queer community.
“We’ve had people who come to our events and they come by themselves, but then they leave with an entire friend group of people,” Cohen said.
The event’s impact has extended far beyond a single evening.
Cohen recalled one attendee who attended a queer event for the first time through programming connected to Where To Find Us. At the time, the person was beginning to explore their identity and had little connection to the local LGBTQIA+ community.
Over time, they became a regular attendee, formed new relationships, entered a healthy partnership and eventually became involved in organizing and sponsoring community events themselves.
“The way the connections are made, it really just comes full circle,” Cohen said.
Participants have also reported finding romantic relationships through the event. Ramirez said several friends she has pitched have successfully secured dates afterward.
Jamogi Bridges, who pitched Ramirez at one event, said she received immediate attention from interested attendees.
“If I recall, there were a good five or six people that were wanting to connect with her,” Bridges said. “Some of them were giving her their number.”
Bridges believes friends often provide a perspective that individuals cannot easily communicate about themselves.
“I feel like it’s really nice to be able to pitch your friends because you ride for them extra hard,” he said. “You really get to tell everyone in the audience how incredible they are and what makes them special.”
Finding queer joy in KC
For many participants, the event has become more than an alternative to dating apps. It has become a reflection of what community can look like when people intentionally create space for one another.
That role has taken on added significance as LGBTQIA+ communities nationwide continue facing political and social challenges.
Cohen said gathering together for celebrations, performances and simple conversations carries deeper meaning in the current climate.
“I think right now, with everything that’s going on in the world, it is important for us to celebrate queer joy,” she said. “Queer joy is also a form of protest.”
That philosophy is visible throughout the evening. Between pitches, attendees dance, laugh and support local performers. Community vendors showcase their work. Conversations continue long after the formal presentations end.
The night typically concludes with Queer-Re-Oki, a karaoke after-party that allows attendees to continue conversations started during the event. What begins as a matchmaking showcase often ends as a community gathering.
Expanding beyond the metro
The success of the concept is now carrying the organization beyond Kansas City.
This month, Where To Find Us will embark on its first multi-city tour with stops in Austin, St. Louis and Chicago. Rather than simply replicating the Kansas City model, organizers have spent months consulting with local leaders, venue managers and community organizers to adapt each event to local audiences.
Themes, schedules and programming will vary by city, reflecting the needs and preferences of each community.
“We really had to hone in and listen to our collaborators who are in the city, who do the work and who are with their community on a daily basis,” Cohen said.
Even as the organization expands, both founders remain focused on the same goal that inspired them from the beginning: helping people find one another.
For Watts, the most rewarding moments happen after the presentations end, when attendees return to future events with stories about friendships, dates and relationships that began because someone took a chance and stepped onto a stage.
“It’s such a beautiful thing to see the impact that we have on the people within our community,” Watts said. “People are truly making connections at our event. What we’re doing is working.”
The next local event for Where to Find Us is at Grinders on Saturday, July 25, with a pool party theme.
