KC family endures cancer, brain aneurysm as wedding nears: ’A strong family’
Soon-to-be-married Kansas City couple 21-year-old Nick Onnen and 19-year-old Samantha Tolman had just had the perfect day: they watched the Kansas City Royals beat the Baltimore Orioles in Kauffman Stadium, celebrated with Mexican food and then returned home and played card games.
Onnen dozed off on Tolman’s couch. A couple hours later, he was awoken by the worst leg pain he’d ever felt in his life.
Three days in the hospital and countless tests later, Onnen was diagnosed with leukemia.
“I was on every narcotic that you can think of, and we just couldn’t get the pain under control,” Onnen said. “Essentially, my bone marrow was producing cancerous blood cells, and so, because it was so rapid, my bone was expanding.”
Onnen’s hospital stay didn’t end with his diagnosis: he was immediately transferred to the University of Kansas Medical Center, where he began an intensive, month-long treatment to target the cancer.
He went to the hospital on April 8. He didn’t get out until May 3.
“When they dropped the bomb that I would be in the hospital for at least a month and then be in beginning what looks like a two-year treatment plan, that’s when I kind of was like, ‘wow,’ the gravity of what was actually happening kind of hit me,” Onnen said.
Tolman said that Onnen was the “epitome of health” before this, participating in competitive bodybuilding and working out everyday.
Onnen has T-cell acute lymphoblastic leukemia, an aggressive bone marrow and blood cancer. He spent a month in the hospital doing intensive chemotherapy to eliminate the cancer already present, and he regularly returns to the hospital to get chemotherapy and other tests.
Onnen said his body is “responding well to treatment.” He said there are a lot of risks associated with chemotherapy, though. He’s is particularly concerned about infertility, as he and Tolman want to start a family of their own.
“They were explaining potential risks of permanent infertility and the things that happened to your body during chemotherapy; that’s when it really hit me,” Onnen said. “I think that was the first time I ever cried about it.”
Onnen and Tolman have another thing on their mind, too: their wedding, which is set for June 28.
Tolman said they decided to keep their original wedding date because they had already planned most of it. Onnen is immunocompromised from his chemotherapy treatments, though, so he will have to give guests air hugs instead of real hugs.
‘She told us to buy a ticket’
But while the couple move ahead with their wedding, it might be missing some important guests: his mother and his father, who are in Salt Lake City after Onnen’s mother, Wendy Onnen, suffered a brain aneurysm while traveling to her mother-in-law’s funeral in Idaho in early June.
She had to be life flighted to a hospital there, where she is still being treated.
Jamey Onnen, her husband of almost 23 years, has not left her side. Her two youngest kids are in Salt Lake City, too, staying with Wendy’s brother. Nick Onnen is the oldest sibling, and the second oldest is currently in Brazil doing missionary work for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
“She cheated death by millimeters. It was so close to a major artery,” Jamey Onnen said.
Wendy Onnen’s mobility is low, and she constantly experiences headaches and nausea. She still FaceTimes with her kids, though, and Jamey Onnen said she is keeping in high spirits.
“She still jokes around with me. She corrects my grammar every so often when I say something wrong,” Jamey Onnen said. “You can tell it’s very hard on her, very difficult. But she doesn’t seem to really show it.”
Nick Onnen said dealing with his mom’s health problems have been “very, very difficult.” Tolman said she thinks Wendy Onnen’s health issues are affecting Nick Onnen’s mental health more than his own. He can’t visit his mom, either, because of his compromised immune system.
Jamey Onnen said Wendy Onnen has a long path to recovery, with lots of physical therapy and rehabilitation.
“We don’t know what conditions are going to be permanent, which ones are temporary, so we really have a lot to find out that’s going to happen over the next months and years even,” Jamey Onnen said.
Her doctor does hope to get her out by June 27, though, one day before her son’s wedding.
“She told us to buy a ticket for the 27th,” Jamey Onnen said. “She said she’s gonna try.”
‘Something to look forward to’
Although the doctor is hopeful, Nick Onnen doesn’t expect his parents to be at his wedding. He and Tolman have adjusted plans to account for their absence.
Nick Onnen and Tolman are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and it is custom for married couples to be sealed in a church temple. According to Nick Onnen, this process unites families and parents for eternity, even in death.
However, the couple is pushing back the sealing ceremony until Nick Onnen’s parents can be there. They are instead having a more traditional, civil ceremony.
Nick Onnen and Tolman had also booked a resort in Cancun, Mexico, for their honeymoon, but Nick Onnen said it will have to be postponed for at least a year.
To the couple, their approaching wedding is a bright spot in the darkness. Tolman said it will be a fill your cup kind of day.
“It’s been something to look forward to, in a sense, like through everything, and people can still be excited for this,” Tolman said.
Nick Onnen said he was also expecting to be bald for his wedding but hasn’t lost his hair yet.
“I think God is letting me keep my hair for the wedding,” Nick Onnen said as he laughed.
‘It’s beyond gratitude’
Throughout these hardships, the Onnens and Tolman said they have leaned on their faith to get through it.
“Faith has really been everything,” Nick Onnen said. “It’s not too often that you get a stroke of mortality, but when you do, you’re forced to evaluate what you truly believe.”
Jamey Onnen also said his faith has been the greatest help in getting him through these hardships.
“There’s been just little miracles all throughout this whole thing. That just shows me that, you know, I’m not doing this alone,” Jamey Onnen said.
Alongside faith, the Onnens have relied on their community.
Nine of Jamey Onnen’s and Wendy Onnen’s friends from Kansas City have visited them in Salt Lake City. Nick Onnen and Tolman are also supported by his grandparents and Tolman’s parents in Kansas City. Tolman has been with him at almost every appointment and procedure.
Tolman’s father also made a GoFundMe for the Onnen family that has currently raised almost $21,000. Jamey Onnen said he is grateful for the GoFundMe because he’s unable to work while he’s with his wife in Salt Lake City.
“We’re feeling so supported,” Jamey Onnen said. “And, I mean, gratitude is not the word; it’s beyond gratitude.”
The Onnens have a long road ahead, but Jamey Onnen said he is “cautiously optimistic.”
And once this is all over? The Onnens plan to go on a big trip.
“When all this settles down and we kind of have an idea of what, you know, what things are going to be like,” Jamey Onnen said. “I’m sure we’ll do something great.”
