‘I made it’: Families celebrate regaining custody of kids at Family Unity Day in KC
Pauline Green lost custody of her daughter twice in the last nine years.
The first happened when her daughter was born weighing less than three pounds with cocaine and marijuana in her system. It happened again in 2021 because of her addiction.
On Thursday, the pair celebrated their reunification over hot dogs, soda and other treats with dozens of other families at a party hosted by the Jackson County Family Court. Green graduated from her court programs in November 2022 and regained custody of her daughter Denaria.
David Suroff, an attorney at Shook, Hardy & Bacon, helped start Family Unity Day in 2019, along with other lawyers who work with clients at the family court. Its’ goal is to celebrate parents and guardians who have been reunited with their children. In Jackson County, he said more than half of families are reunified.
Usually, families have a negative experience coming to the courthouse. But Family Unity Day gives them the opportunity to celebrate alongside officials, enjoying face painting, balloon animals, free produce and an opportunity to connect with library services.
The goal of all the court services and programs, Suroff said, is to help families get to a place where they can have custody of their children again.
“Being able to be safe and back home is just ideal,” he said. “That’s what we strive for.”
Rebuilding bonds
When Green was using, she was impatient and irritable. She often thought her daughter was getting in the way when she wanted to get high. Only after she got clean did she realize the damage she had done to their relationship. For months, she’s had to put in the work to repair it.
Now, Green and Denaria are closer than ever. They talk every day, play games and cuddle. Green helped her when she was bullied at a new school. She validates her and lets her know they can talk about anything.
Denaria remembered times she and her mom visited Worlds of Fun or went roller skating. They might not go back for a while, she joked, because her mom fell too many times in her skates.
“Me and Denaria’s bond is sealed so tight,” Green said. “I’m really grateful for that.”
When her daughter was put into the foster system, Green realized she needed to stop using drugs for good.
In October 2022, her son’s death from a fentanyl overdose was another reminder of why she needs to stay clean and be there for her family. He was missing for three weeks before a friend who was with him at the time showed her family where his body was located.
She keeps his prison ID card in her purse at all times, and kisses a container on her keychain every morning that holds his ashes.
After months of treatments and recovery groups, Green feels in control of her life. She’s grateful for county programs that helped her get back on her feet and her attorney Tracy Anderson, who comforted her when the process was hard.
Along the way, she got to see her daughter more often, first through day visits, then occasional overnight stays and eventually a six-month trial before she regained custody.
Judge Kevin Harrell, the administrative judge for the family court, has watched some of the families who were present at Thursday’s picnic since he started his position a year and a half ago.
Many times, he said he works with families forced into the system. At first, he and his staff often meet families at a low point in their lives. Their pain becomes intensified by anger, when the court requires them to complete different programs and therapies. But on Thursday, they got to celebrate their progress together.
“When we can come together like this and celebrate the fact that we were able to work through our differences is great for both staff and for the families,” he said.
‘I never thought I’d make it.’
Right now, Green and Denaria live at Amethyst Place, a housing program for women and children who have experienced generational poverty, substance use disorders and trauma, where they have their own apartment and rooms.
Her job at a local Montessori school helps her support her daughter and start to pay off her debts, so she can build up her credit.
Eventually, Green plans to go back to college and get her degree. She hopes to work with and help recovering addicts.
“It is a blessing to be here today,” Green told the crowd of families and court officials who watched her growth.
“I never thought I’d make it, but I made it.”
