Five tips for easing marital conflict around money

Do you want to reduce financial stress in your marriage? While there is no “one size fits all” approach, these five tips can help:

1. Start with developing common financial goals and document them.

Working with a Certified Financial Planner is a great way to get on the same page about your near- and long-term goals. A professional can also assist you in creating a balanced strategy so that each partner gets what is desired.

2. Develop a recurring communication schedule that is set to a specific day and time on a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly frequency to discuss finances as a couple.

If your discussions tend to become contentious, conduct them in a public place to help keep emotions in check.

3. Work together on the household financial budget. If you do not know where it all goes, then the only way to find out is to track it on a regular basis. During the process, you will likely reduce inefficiencies that will free up more cash to save and spend. This process will also help you prioritize your expenses.

Make sure that you add a date night each month to your budget each month to celebrate your progress.

4. Discuss major household purchases before spending the money. You may think that surprising the family by buying a 75-inch television will bring everyone closer together, but the uninformed spouse may think quite differently about the stealthy decision.

It is better to be safe than sorry and discuss all extraordinary purchases upfront regardless of the amount.

5. The strategy that I personally love the most is to have “mad money” accounts for each spouse.

Deposits are made into each account on a monthly or weekly basis and then each spouse can spend his/her money freely with no questions asked.

I use mine to take golf trips with friends and to buy ridiculously high-priced shoes. I really don’t know what my wife buys with her money, which is the point. But I suspect she may buy shoes, too.

We found that implementing this strategy considerably reduced our stress and allowed us to focus more on the big picture when it came to our personal finances.

Money is probably not what brought you together, but it can certainly tear you apart. The key is to open lines of communication around money and then work toward common goals that you review frequently.

Most importantly, be engaged and work together through a disciplined approach to make it all happen.

The rewards will be priceless.

Dan Mathews is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER professional and a member of the Financial Planning Association of Greater Kansas City. He is a private wealth manager for Creative Planning in Overland Park.

This story was originally published January 21, 2020 at 12:00 AM.