“It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I am totally checking you out.”
“You must be a broom, because you just swept me off my feet.”
“Something’s wrong with my eyes, because I can’t take them off you.”
Sorry if you’re lactose-intolerant, because this story is obviously loaded with cheese.
In case you missed it in The Star last Saturday, we’re getting ready for next month’s “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie by asking readers to help us write a Midwest parody version, “Fifty Shades of Hay.” Each week until Feb. 7, we’ll select a new chapter and award prizes. More about that later.
But if you’re not up to writing a full 600- to 800-word chapter for that contest, here’s a quicker way for you to get in on the fun: a weekly Twitter challenge, adding another dimension to the ongoing plot. This week, we’re looking for silly/awful pickup lines that might be uttered by our characters. As in …
“Feel my shirt. Know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material.”
And: “Are you a keyboard? Because you’re my type.”
Tweet your best worst pickup lines with the hashtag#50ShadesOfHay by 9 a.m. Friday. (If you aren’t the tweeting type, you can email your lines — no more than 140 characters — to email@example.com; put “Fifty Shades pickup lines” in the subject line.) We’ll publish our favorites on Saturday along with Chapter 2 of our romantic satire.
Now, about that story: On Saturday we introduced the first chapter of “Fifty Shades of Hay,” starring rich cowboy Tristan Hay and young Fantasia Irons (our versions of the novel’s Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele). You can find it, and details about the writing contest, here. We’re asking you to follow up with Chapter 2: Fantasia and Tristan Are an Item.
The deadline for that chapter is 8 a.m. Thursday, but you can always enter later chapters as the story unfolds every Saturday. Each winner will receive a $20 AMC Theatres gift certificate, “Fifty Shades” movie memorabilia and a bit of fame.
Or take the easy, cheesy way, and send us pickup lines. After all …
“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘I’ and ‘U’ together.”
To reach Sharon Hoffmann, call 816-234-4457 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.