The Full 90

Thoughts on World Cup, Day 2

Just as an FYI: The USA has never lost to England in a World Cup game. So... there's that.

Onto some thoughts and ruminations on Day 2 of the World Cup.

England:

You need to find a goalkeeper as bad as Kansas, Missouri and Kansas State need to find a new conference. (I apologize if you don't understand that reference. Trust me it works.) England will always find a way to muck things up and

Robert Green's gaffe

is one of the worst by a 'keeper in modern World Cup history.

United States:

You need to now beat Algeria and Slovenia. You have to. Like, really have to. If you can scrape out a draw with the best team in your group, logic dictates you can squash the minnows.

ESPN:

You need to make sure Roberto Martinez is on TV as much as possible. He's great. Much better than Ruud Guillit.

Diego Maradona:

You need to keep wearing suits that make you look like an Argentinian Joe Pesci and

two watches

. It's a fantastic look. You need to keep up the murderous glances and generally creepy sideline demeanor. It's working well. Also, it might be nice if you invested some time into actually giving this team some tactical make-up. You should've had that game 5-0 at least.

South Korea:

You need to let us know before we start making predictions that you're actually a decent team.

Greece:

You need to let us know you're treating this like a vacation and not an international sports contest before we pick you as our contrarian pick for the knock-out stage.

Nigeria:

You need to find a style, quickly. Before you get yourself pushed out of the second spot in Group B.

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