The Full 90

Thoughts on World Cup, Day 1

It's here. It happened. Here's what I thought of the first day.

The Power And Light District:

You need to get an HD screen in the Living Room. The party was nice, the atmosphere was pretty tight. But to win over the Children of Electronic Media Consumption, you gotta get that screen either a) bigger or b) more high-defy.

Mexico:

You need to stop playing direct and utilize your obvious technical advantages. Or else you'll choke away an easy route to the quarterfinals.

ESPN:

You need to back her down a notch chief. I love what you're doing ... in theory. But in practice, it's all a little overwhelming. Let's drop down just a bit (namely, you don't need to pretend this is an election night and you're CNN in the pregame show) especially after the USA-England game. Borrow an old novel-writing axiom: Show us, don't tell us what's happening.

Martin Tyler:

You need to come over here to this country and teach announcers how to properly announce a sporting even. Please?

Uruguay:

You need to stop it or go away. I don't like watching you play and I don't want to think of you advancing to the second round because you drew your way out of the group.

Soccer haters:

You need to get a better argument. The game is boring? If you watch baseball, this conversation is over already. It's a game for unathletic and slow white guys? Um, Google Fernando Torres sometime. It's not that much different than the "game" that kids play, just 22 people chasing the ball for 2 hours? Oh, I forgot, Little League baseball is one step away from the majors. This isn't 1995, you guys need to find some new arguments.

France:

You need to get it together. Maintain dude. You're France.

Vuvuzela haters:

You need to relax, complaining about it from your couch in Shawnee won't stop them.

South Africa:

You really need to do that again next week. It was really, really fun.

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